Yesterday was a tired, stressed day. First, I could not sleep the night before. I had too much caffeine too late and was awake. I went to the computer so as not to wake the babies (bottle baby sheep) or my husband and my email had a message from facebook that someone commented on something connected to me. I do not spend much time on facebook, just do not have the time to sit there like that, but that night I decided to read comments down my page.
I do not recommend it at bed time! I found out all the ads and messages from places I signed up as fans to; I found out my daughters and daughter in law were talking about milk; I found out that two daughters in law were threatening to kick eachother and the shorter one (Still MUCH taller than me) was threatening the other one and the taller said she could not reach her where she wanted to kick her. (NOW, this was all in fun, these two are best of friends, keep that in mind when I get farther down this post!)
I found out about all kinds of things. Some family members were collecting bald eagles and other weird animals, guess it is a game. Softball, trips and T-ball were all on my home/profile pages.
Again, I say do not read at bed time!
I finally went to bed. I began to dream. And dream. Animals, sickness and ball playing. Fabric and embroidery designs. And then, there I was at my one son’s house talking to his family when in comes the other son and his family. You got it! The two daughters in law began to fight. Now, remember, they are close friends! However, they were going at it for real, trying to kick each other as threatened. Well, I woke and have no idea who won, but went to sleep and the taller one was gone and I was sitting there with a very happy daughter in law… I am guessing she did reach where she aimed.
Then I woke again and it was time for hubby to leave for work. (by 5 AM). I was tired, felt like I never slept and Scout comes early.
My day went crazy. Scout was a little less than obedient and into everything. She was doing things she normally does not do like spilling water, starting the microwave when I am sitting on the pot, etc. Just seemed like I was cleaning up or scolding. How I longed for nap time by 9 AM.
Nap time came and went. She played, would not sleep and finally got up as I did not want her going to sleep when her mom was coming in an hour. (Scout usually sleeps for 2-3 hours, if woke early you do not want to be near her!).
Rick ended up having to work till 7 or so as he had a big job, so he was gone for 14 hours+ and dinner was going to be late. I was tired, had to get things done that a 3 yr. old did not let me get done, and felt like doing nothing.
Not only that, but from reading things on facebook I missed my family so much more. I have grown used to a pain in my heart all the time, but sometimes it is made bigger. Yesterday was one of those days, just seems like the last few days have been leading up to it. I heard from all three daughters by email, text and phone call yesterday and wished that men were more communicative.
My husband had no idea of how I was feeling and the hard day I had with missing my kids and dealing with Scout’s antics. He had so much work that we did not talk much on the phone and I did not tell him as he had so much on his mind already.
Then he came home. He did not have flowers, but he had stopped and bought me a diet pepsi as well as this:
On the inside was this:
What did I do?
CRY!
It eased so much pain.
I have been so blessed with wonderful, loving husbands. My first husband was tops and never did I think another one would come along when he died. God is so Good, and while Rick did not know what I needed yesterday, God did and planted it in Rick’s heart.
This last month I have been foster mom to a little lamb. Georgie, as he came to be named by my granddaughter, was born a preemie and could not walk. The sheep farmer and his wife were going away on a business trip and would be gone a week, back a few days and then gone another week. Georgie would not survive without special care. Knowing me and knowing I would give him the care he needed they asked if I would foster him with the option to keep him. Anyone who knows me knew I jumped at the chance to save his life.
Within a day Georgie could stand some and in a week was moving around really well. Feeding him was a bit of problem in that he did not know how to grab the bottle and would not open his mouth but bop it with his nose and think that should work.
Scout, my granddaughter, and Georgie quickly became pals. Georgie was diapered and ran around the house following Makita (my dog), Scout or myself. When hungry he was bopping my ankle and yelling loudly “maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa”.
The owners returned and I hung on to Georgie until this last Sunday when I knew he was too big for staying in the house, and it was not good for him to be outside by himself. Georgie would stay in the pack n play even though he could easily clear it and jump out, but he was obedient when I said “no” and would just stay there. However, he thought he was a cat or dog, to his convenience., Cats curl up on the couch, he tried it and got booted. Dogs have a dog bed, he tried it and Makita was not really thrilled about sharing but let him. Goats would have nothing to do with him except push him around and send him flying so he (and we) knew they were not an option.
Sunday I took Georgie back to the farm. He cried, I cried.
Monday my husband went to work as usual. I did not have Scout that day and it was a bit quiet with no Georgie to feed either.
Rick had a Dr. appointment and I knew he was coming home from work in the AM to get ready for that, but was rather surprised when he came home at 8:30 and not 10 like we planned. He pulled in, came in the door and said “I need your help, come out the the car”.
Obedient wife that I am , sometimes, most times, I got up and went out with him. He opened the back door and said “Happy Valentines day”. There was Georgie, and two friends! Blondie and Dagwood are now sharing the outside with Georgie. We have a small shed on the porch so I can get to them easily for bottle feeding.
All my life, since a kid, I wanted a sheep. I used to ask my dad and he would say “What good is a sheep, can’t milk it, why have them?” . Well, now I know what good they are. They eat weeds and manicure a large not mowable yard and eat what the goats don’t in the pasture. Found it out, but did not expect to have any.
Georgie is a black and white Dorper, handsome fellow. Blondie is a Barbado and Dagwood a Mouflon, so all different in looks. I will put up a picture when I get one taken, we spent all yesterday building a shed on the porch!
Ever watch TV when the, I believe, Weight watcher commercial comes on? You know, the one with the Hungry Monster. He dances in front of everything you look at, trying for your attention. Jumps, peeks, looks so cute and you are trying to ignore him.
We tell our children there are no monsters. Nope, not under the bed, in the dark room or in the closet. They are not real we reassure them.
Yet sometimes I wonder.
My first husband died of heart disease. It was a hard thing to go through and I blocked out a lot of things to deal with him and the kidney failure, the knowledge that he could die at any time and all that went with facing all of this. My life became a routine of caring and procedures to keep him going. Marriage has it’s spats, but I would hold it in as “nothing was worth getting worked up over should he die and that was the last thing that happened”. Things that should have been handled and wrongs that should have been talked out, were let go and shoved inside a place in my brain.
You see, I had a monster. Like “Hungry” it popped up in most things, most places I looked at and things I did. Big and not as cute as Hungry, he took over. His name was not Hungry, But FEAR.
Fast forward to this last week, a bit over 10 years from the death of Willie. I am remarried and my husband tells me he is having a slight pain in the chest and wants to see the Dr. (Of course he did not tell me this till Sunday night and it happened on Saturday!). The Dr. sends us to a cardiologist and Rick’s EKG is not right. Now we are facing stress test and ECHO in the next two days.
The monster is back. I am holding him in so as not to upset my husband. He is here with flashbacks of all I went through. He is big. Dancing in my every thought and seems to have brought along a few more friends with him this time.
I think back to the commercial. Weight Watchers gives the strength to fight Hungry. They are there online, all the time (unless you have an internet connection like ours. Satellite broadband that is iffy). Only a short web site away and Hungry can be banished.
Well, this morning I was seeing my monster big time. Rick was going to work and I know he lifts heavy things, is on his feet all day and Monster started dancing.
As normal, in the morning I grab my Bible and began to read. I try to take that early time to have some time with the Lord before Scout arrives, the animals get demanding and I get involved and forget.
As I read I was praying. God spoke to me in the passage, not about my monster, but about other things. We do not have a local church, but travel 75 miles for a Bible Preaching Church. There are churches here but so far all we have found are ones caught up in the apostasy of the day. Not in teaching the Word of God. I am not going to go there now, but today’s Scripture hit me about that.
I prayed more about this monster. All the while FEAR was dancing around in front of me. I finally said “Lord, I can’t function with that thing dancing. I need to be able to handle this and not be paralyzed by that Monster”. I then talked to God about Hungry and the “quick fix” of a solution the TV showed. God showed me that HE has a fix too. “Be not afraid, only believe”.
I thought about how many times those words are said in Scripture. “Be not afraid”. It hit me, my Monster is a common monster. If it was not, those words would not be said over and over.
Another thing hit. While it sounds easy to trust, it is not for us humans. Like the little kid, and you shine the light in the closet or under the bed and they see there is no monster, turn out the light and they are sure it is there again.
As I prayed the light was there and my monster shrunk. As I go about the day it starts dancing. I am praying that today I can keep shining that light on the FEAR monster and not feel the panic I do at times. Tomorrow is the one test. I pray that all is fine and the EKG was just whacky the other day. However, I need to trust the Lord that HE knows best.
What are the Monsters you face?
There hath notemptationtaken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it. 1 Corinthians 10:13
Our Monsters are all common to man. We all have them. Apparently FEAR is a big one. I do not handle it well. Sometimes it will make me move and do things I would not do, for the good; other times it is paralyzing.
If you are reading this, please pray for us through this time. God has blessed me with Rick. I felt like after 29+ years of marriage to Willie that there would not be another man that could compare. Willie made me promise to remarry. He prayed for the man I would marry after he was gone. Rick came into my life and he has been a blessing to me.
Together we need to look at our Monsters in THE LIGHT and trust Him.
I do not know how many of you have been widowed and then remarried, but I have. I know how important it is to have a husband who is so secure in your love that he does not mind you talking about your first marriage. I have such a husband. He even encouraged me to have a picture of Willie up and never minds me talking or sharing things from my past.
Today I was thinking about how blessed I have been. Not that it has not come with some bittersweet parts, but I have been blessed with two wonderful husbands. As I thought on this my mind drifted to the fact that this August will be 10 years since the death of my first husband. The last few days I have been thinking on this for some reason.
My first husband was a pastor who studied from the Greek and Hebrew to prepare his sermons and really preached the Word. I miss that so much. Today’s pastor’s preach a watered down Word. Even though he was so strong on preaching the Word accurately he also loved humor. Today I want to share with you two of his favorites.
I have a wonderful husband! He is loving and kind and likes to put me first most of the time.
Our family is somewhat a blended family. After being widowed for about 5 years Rick and I married. All our children are grown and have kids of their own, yet it is blended. I have five, he has three. Mine are in Maine and one in North Carolina, his are here in Texas. Four grand kids here, two in North Carolina and thirteen in Maine. Yet, they are really all ours. His and mine together.
Our one granddaughter I see every day. She is 22 months old and I have the privelege of watching her while her mom works. She is ours, his and mine, even thought technically she has none of my blood in her. This does not mean she does not have a lot of me in her! We mesh, blend and are family.
My husband and I have little money, and since he switched jobs we have even less. This year we had no vacation, which is when we try to go up to see our other half of the family that is not in Texas. This summer it did not happen and while I understood, it was hard on me. I found it has been hard on Rick also. He has been hurting for me and told me to watch the plane fares.
After several weeks of watching one airline dropped and my husband told me to get out the credit card! I think he is as happy as I am that I am getting to go. I will see a new granddaughter, all the other grandkids and five of our kids. YIPEE!!!
Lest you be thinking that maybe he is just glad to get rid of me let me tell you what this means for him.
we have goats. I take care of them. He leaves for work at 4:30 AM and will now need to get up early to care for them before he goes.
I have a cleaning job. He will need to work his 10 hours, then on Wednesday go and do 4 hours more of cleaning. On weekends he will need to do about 10-12.
I make his lunches, he will have to make his own
We have other pets that I care for, he will now have to do it
All this does not include the household things. This is a great sacrifice for him and I appreciate it so much.
How did I get such a husband? Prayer! I prayed long and hard before he came into my life. It is also the way I got my first husband. Both of them were/are blessings from God.
