Meet Me In The Garden

Did you ever start to think of something and not really know why? Ever feel like you needed to write something to someone and had no idea why you felt you needed to write or say a certain thing? This happens to me at times and this post is one of those times.

Yesterday as we were driving to church a thought came in my head and left. Then while sitting in church it came back with more thoughts with it.

Now, before I get scolded for not listening to the sermon I will give a bit of a side track here. My husband and I are going to a church 75 miles away because we can’t find a Bible teaching church nearby. Since leaving the church he was working at we have been hunting, but continue to go to the one 75 miles away while looking close. The church we go to has a Monday night service allowing us to hunt on Sunday. Yesterday we went to a church and were disappointed once again. The pastor never said where he was preaching from, just read part of a verse and then went off. It was like the old sword drills you used to have in Sunday School, we hopped all over verse here and verse there but he kept talking about the verse he started with, you know, the one he never fully read or told us where it was from. There was no teaching, just a hop around verses that could have easily been done by reading a concordance. I was upset and discouraged when it was about done and then the thoughts from earlier came into my head again.

What brought them back? My discouragement about not finding a church yet. What were the thoughts?

Women, we stand by our man. Having been a pastor’s wife for almost 30 years I saw many marriages come close to breaking up or totally break. I saw many a cheating spouse cause so much harm to a family. We watched as one spouse, usually the wife, fought for the marriage and kept trying. Time went on and the spouse grew tired. The fight was taking too much and weariness and soon animosity was so strong that the fight ended. The spouse gave up.

What I observed in this was that often the “giving up” came just as the corner was ready to turn. The other person was coming around and now it was too late. The fight for the goal ended before the goal was reached with the person giving up at the 1 yard line.

Why I was thinking of the giving up right as the answer was just around the corner, and the various marriages that I had seen over the years  all hit me yesterday I do not know. Nor do I know why this has been pressing on me to write today, but if it is your situation pray for strength to hang on.

Maybe it is not a marriage, maybe, like us with finding a church, it is something else that you are just ready to give up on. Pray more.  My prayers with finding a church have been that God would lead us to one, or possibly He wants us to try to start one here. I do not know, but giving up was in my thoughts.

Thinking of the marriages helped me realize that maybe our church is just around the corner of time.

Whatever is pressing on you, pray and do not give up at the 1 yard line. HE has the answer and only HE can tell you when to give up.

I try to have my time with the Lord in the mornings before much of my day has started. Today I fed the sheep (Yes, I know, I still need to post the pictures I promised) and then came in to have my devotional time.

It never ceases to amaze me how the Lord has things such that what I am reading is something that warms my heart, speaks to a concern or spanks me.  Today HE was speaking to a concern.

Today’s economy is bad. Things seem so out of control in our nation and many of us struggle to make ends meet. We do as we feel the Lord wants and yet there is no extra. For some this means use the plastic more. However, that only comes back to bite us later and make it worse.

I realize today that there are many out there who preach that if you are right with the Lord you will have prosperity in financial things. My Bible does not say that. It says we will have suffering, poverty at times maybe, struggles for sure. Those that are gifted with extra are called to be wise and use if for the Lord not to consume it on things they want.

My reading today was from Hebrews. Hebrews 13:5 says to “let your character be free from the love of money, being content with what you have…” .

Are we content with what we have? I think not for the most part. When I was a young adult, we struggled to pay bills, had no credit cards (I know, most of you think they have been around since creation, not so!) People used to live on their means. We drove cars that were fixer uppers much of the time, we did not go if we had no money. Swapped furniture, bought from used furniture, Salvation Army etc and the prices were low, not what they are today. Auctions were weekly and you could always come home with the replacement chair, pot or whatever.  You did not eat out, much, and your food was almost all homemade without the help of a box.

Day old bread from the “Used bread store” got you through.

No plastic. Repair people let you pay off a few bucks at a time. People were more willing to reach out to those struggling because we were all in the same boat.

Young people married knowing that they were going to have to use furniture that Aunt Matilda no longer wanted and it was 25 yrs old and smelled like an old person (NO fabreeze then, sprinkle a bit of baking soda on and let set, put outside for a bit if possible and vacuum off). Or, as my husband and I did, Aunt Lucy died, so we had some things from her, other was garbage picked on a trash collection clean- up day.

Today, it is the new, have to have matching, and young people start out with huge debt.

So many of us say we do not love money, yet what do we strive for? More money. You can have a love of money because you are struggling or because you have too much.

Much of my life was a struggle. I could not have what I wanted, and sometimes what I felt I needed. It almost becomes an obsession—love— out of fear of not making it.

Contentment with what we have? How when the economy is so scary?

I read the rest of the verse: “for He Himself has said, ‘I will never desert you nor will I ever forsake you.’”

Interesting, in Greek (the original language the New Testament was written in) the words “forsake you” should say “Leave you without support”.  We are to be content and not worry as we will not be left without support. HE is there. HE will support those who are HIS and trust HIM.

I can attest to HIS support as HE cared for me in so many ways after my first husband died. NO, I did not have all my wants, but I was able to travel and see my family when I was living apart from them.  God provided for me through strangers as well as jobs, odd things coming up to sell etc. He supplied and did not leave me without support.

Trust Him through these times. Be content. We have a God who, when we are His and trusting HIM, does supply.

But often he is…..

This last month I have been foster mom to a little lamb. Georgie, as he came to be named by my granddaughter, was born a preemie and could not walk. The sheep farmer and his wife were going away on a business trip and would be gone a week, back a few days and then gone another week. Georgie would not survive without special care. Knowing me and knowing I would give him the care he needed they asked if I would foster him with the option to keep him. Anyone who knows me knew I jumped at the chance to save his life.

Within a day Georgie could stand some and in a week was moving around really well. Feeding him was a bit of problem in that he did not know how to grab the bottle and would not open his mouth but bop it with his nose and think that should work.

Scout, my granddaughter, and Georgie quickly became pals. Georgie was diapered and ran around the house following Makita (my dog), Scout or myself. When hungry he was bopping my ankle and yelling loudly “maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa”.

The owners returned and I hung on to Georgie until this last Sunday when I knew he was too big for staying in the house, and it was not good for him to be outside by himself. Georgie would stay in the pack n play even though he could easily clear it and jump out, but he was obedient when I said “no” and would just stay there. However, he thought he was a cat or dog, to his convenience., Cats curl up on the couch, he tried it and got booted. Dogs have a dog bed, he tried it and Makita was not really thrilled about sharing but let him. Goats would have nothing to do with him except push him around and send him flying so he (and we) knew they were not an option.

Sunday I took Georgie back to the farm. He cried, I cried.

Monday my husband went to work as usual. I did not have Scout that day and it was a bit quiet with no Georgie to feed either.

Rick had a Dr. appointment and I knew he was coming home from work in the AM to get ready for that, but was rather surprised when he came home at 8:30 and not 10 like we planned. He pulled in, came in the door and said “I need your help, come out the the car”.

Obedient wife that I am , sometimes, most times,  I got up and went out with him. He opened the back door and said “Happy Valentines day”. There was Georgie, and two friends!  Blondie and Dagwood are now sharing the outside with Georgie. We have a small shed on the porch so I can get to them easily for bottle feeding.

All my life, since a kid, I wanted a sheep. I used to ask my dad and he would say “What good is a sheep, can’t milk it, why have them?” . Well, now I know what good they are. They eat weeds and manicure a large not mowable yard and eat what the goats don’t in the pasture. Found it out, but did not expect to have any.

Georgie is a black and white Dorper, handsome fellow. Blondie is a Barbado and Dagwood a Mouflon, so all different in looks. I will put up a picture when I get one taken, we spent all yesterday building a shed on the porch!

Yup, sometimes my honey is extra sweet!

Ever watch TV when the, I believe, Weight watcher commercial comes on? You know, the one with the Hungry Monster. He dances in front of everything you look at, trying for your attention. Jumps, peeks, looks so cute and you are trying to ignore him.

We tell our children there are no monsters. Nope, not under the bed, in the dark room or in the closet. They are not real we reassure them.

Yet sometimes I wonder.

My first husband died of heart disease. It was a hard thing to go through and I blocked out a lot of things to deal with him and the kidney failure, the knowledge that he could die at any time and all that went with facing all of this. My life became a routine of caring and procedures to keep him going.  Marriage has it’s spats, but I would hold it in as “nothing was worth getting worked up over should he die and that was the last thing that happened”.  Things that should have been handled and wrongs that should have been talked out, were let go and shoved inside a place in my brain.

You see, I had a monster. Like “Hungry” it popped up in most things, most places I looked at and things I did. Big and not as cute as Hungry, he took over. His name was not Hungry, But FEAR.

Fast forward to this last week, a bit over 10 years from the death of Willie. I am remarried and my husband tells me he is having a slight pain in the chest and wants to see the Dr. (Of course he did not tell me this till Sunday night and it happened on Saturday!). The Dr. sends us to a cardiologist and Rick’s EKG is not right. Now we are facing stress test and ECHO in the next two days.

The monster is back. I am holding him in so as not to upset my husband. He is here with flashbacks of all I went through. He is big. Dancing in my every thought and seems to have brought along a few more friends with him this time.

I think back to the commercial. Weight Watchers gives the strength to fight Hungry. They are there online, all the time (unless you have an internet connection like ours. Satellite broadband that is iffy). Only a short web site away and Hungry can be banished.

Well, this morning I was seeing my monster big time. Rick was going to work and I know he lifts heavy things, is on his feet all day and Monster started dancing.

As normal, in the morning I grab my Bible and began to read. I try to take that early time to have some time with the Lord before Scout arrives, the animals get demanding and I get involved and forget.

As I read I was praying. God spoke to me in the passage, not about my monster, but about other things. We do not have a local church, but travel 75 miles for a Bible Preaching Church. There are churches here but so far all we have found are ones caught up in the apostasy of the day. Not in teaching the Word of God. I am not going to go there now, but today’s Scripture hit me about that.

I prayed more about this monster. All the while FEAR was dancing around in front of me. I finally said “Lord, I can’t function with that thing dancing. I need to be able to handle this and not be paralyzed by that Monster”. I then talked to God  about Hungry and the “quick fix” of a solution the TV showed.  God showed me that HE has a fix too.  “Be not afraid, only believe”.

I thought about how many times those words are said in Scripture. “Be not afraid”. It hit me, my Monster is a common monster. If it was not, those words would not be said over and over.

Another thing hit. While it sounds easy to trust, it is not for us humans. Like the little kid, and you shine the light in the closet or under the bed and they see there is no monster, turn out the light and they are sure it is there again.

As I prayed the light was there and my monster shrunk. As I go about the day it starts dancing.  I am praying that today I can keep shining that light on the FEAR monster and not feel the panic I do at times. Tomorrow is the one test. I pray that all is fine and the EKG was just whacky the other day. However, I need to trust the Lord that HE knows best.

What are the Monsters you face?

There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.  1 Corinthians 10:13

Our Monsters are all common to man. We all have them. Apparently FEAR is a big one. I do not handle it well. Sometimes it will make me move and do things I would not do, for the good; other times it is paralyzing.

If you are reading this, please pray for us through this time. God has blessed me with Rick. I felt like after 29+ years of marriage to Willie that there would not be another man that could compare. Willie made me promise to remarry. He prayed for the man I would marry after he was gone. Rick came into my life and  he has been a blessing to me.

Together we need to look at our Monsters in THE LIGHT and trust Him.

The new year is here! Can you believe it? I just do not know how the years fly by so fast, but it is hard to believe that 2009 is about gone. Enjoy the day, it is the last of the year!

In another week my husband and I will be celebrating our 5th anniversary. I told him I was married for almost 30 years to my late husband and want to make it another 30 with him. While it is easy to say that this is ONLY number 5, they way the years fly by it is ONLY 25 more to go!

As I reflect on the past year and look to the next one some things come to mind, much of which can be summed up in the title of this post.

Yesterday I had Scout outside for much of the morning. We have goats and one of them had a nasty cut and has been penned for about a month. I had an idea that the way she got cut was the cow fencing along the side. It is barbed wire and the goats try to slip through it. Yesterday I decided to check the fencing all around and then let them out for a bit. Scout and I made the rounds of the fencing and wired up any loose places and then let the goats out. Everything was fine for a bit, but then Almond’s two little ones slipped through the cattle gate to the side pasture. Almond tried calling them back, but like most little kids they would not listen to mama. She yelled, the kids kept going. Finally she panicked and tried getting through the wire. She succeeded, but I was upset as I did not want her opening up her cut again or getting another one.

I went in, grabbed a leash to walk Almond back and Scout and I went into the pasture to retrieve the kids and Almond. Scout had never been in the pasture before so I had to teach her a few things. First thing was what a cow pie was and what it looked like.  I pointed out one and told her it was a cow poopy and do not step in it. She looked at me like I was a bit crazy as nothing could poop that big.  Then she almost stepped in another and I pointed it out. She then began looking for them.

Lesson two was what prickly pear cactus were and that you must avoid them as they are even worse than stepping in cow poopy.  I showed her the spines and told her to be careful. Holding her hand and watching out for everything while reminding her, we went further into the pasture to get the goats.

She went to look around a scrub cedar while still holding my hand, but bumped a prickly pear. She screamed as I grabbed her and tried to get her pants up to pull out the spines. We got them out, she told me I fixed it since I got the out quick and we moved on and put Almond on the leash. As we were walking back, she saw a very small prickly pear plant and said “there is a small one. Ya gotta watch out for those things”.

Just like that spine stuck in Scout’s leg, those words stuck in my heart as I think about the last year and the coming one.  How many times have I not watched out and been caught off guard by even small thing that stuck big time?

Maybe a situation that could have been avoided? Or words that slipped out to my husband that should have not come out? Or something not done that should have been?

Sometimes even little things can have a big impact in our lives. We get stuck.  Anger. “small” lie. We all face “prickly pears” every day.  How will we handle them this year?

For me, I hope I can be as profound as my 3 yr old granddaughter in the pasture: “ya gotta watch out for those things!”