Oh Poor Me

For “richer or poorer”. Do you know what couples fight about the most and split up over? Money. Yup, for some reason so many of us marry with “happily ever after” in our minds and that means no money problems as well.

Not that many years ago people married knowing they would need to struggle. The poorer part was a given. You started out, worked, saved sacrificed for the things you needed and wanted. Nothing was handed to you for the most part, you did not have credit cards to get what you want, you worked and saved and sacrificed. There were not as many divorces back then either.

My husband and I had not money when we married. We married, did without, started out with a chair from here, a part of a sectional for a couch, my old trunk for a coffee table. Our bedroom set was old that was being parted with by a relative. The kitchen table came from somewhere else and some things were even garbage picked from off the street.

We did not have to have the newest nor the best, but felt fortunate to have anything. There was no credit cards to lull us into thinking we could afford anything different.

Our car as was old one that I had bought, from there we went to older that we could dig up and would go. Rarely were we ever broke down on the side of the road and the one time we did have problems were exciting and provided something to laugh at in later years.

Poorer was real.

Richer not even imaginable. However, to us it did come when my husband got a good job while in seminary. We actually made over 6,000 that year (1974). (Man we were rich!)

Today people thing they need to start out with it all, they already have credit card debt entering a marriage and then they add more. No wonder the marriage has a struggle. You can’t go on accumulating debt and feeling rich when you are actually in way over your heads. Marriages split, or are miserable to say the least.

My suggestion is to sell, get rid of, pare down and pay off with what you make. There are thrift stores, freecycle, sharing in giving and other places to find used and cheap furniture and items.

Be frugal, do not let money come between you and your spouse. Live cheap and expect the poorer. For some frugal ideas check out Biblical Womanhood. She has a lot of her own plus other people list theirs on Frugal Friday.

Today I ask you


Works for me Wednesday over at Rocks In My Dryer is having a backwards day. Instead of me telling you what works for me, I am asking you for some help.

As you can tell with this blog I am trying to help us work towards becoming the woman of God we were meant to be; the mothering God’s way and being the wife that is all God wanted. Some of you may have read From My Heart in my other blog, this blog is a result of that burden.

I do not claim to have the answers, but I will work on getting them if I do not. Believing the older Christian women are to teach the younger, as in Titus 3:5, I am trying to fulfill this command.

I need some basis to go with and want to ask you what questions you have, problems you have or concerns in life as a mother and wife. Read Titus 3:5 on the sidebar, what are the things that give you the most trouble in doing? (There are 7 listed) Are there any other questions about family, womanhood, being a wife that you have?

You may answer anonymous if you want, I am looking for help as to what problems, questions or struggles you are having.

Thank you!

For more normal Works For Me questions go back to Rocks In My Dryer!

For Better or Worse

Wow, here it is Tuesday already and I am behind in my posting. I seem to be having a lot of “One of those weeks” lately. How about you? Seems things just are too busy, stressed, plans made and then you can’t follow through because of the fires that pop up and need to be cared for immediately. They can sure put a stress on your life, marriage and family.

Our vows say “for better or worse”. DO you sometimes feel the worse out weighs the better? It may not even be a problem between you and your spouse to begin with, but rather life. Life happens. Plans get all bummed up. The past may come in to haunt us, an accident may happen, sickness, things just unseen ahead of time.

My first husband and I had a good relationship. Great in fact! Yet when we married he was in school and it was rough. I planned on working him through college and seminary before we began our family. HAHA Our first was due on our first anniversary. We had decided I would be a stay at home mom when the children arrived, and now we were being tested. He made $30 a week at a part time job while going to college. I had been supporting us. Ut oh, some “worse” was happening! We kept with our decision and trusted the Lord. He supplied in ways I never thought possible.

By the time seminary was over we had 4 children, no money but God had cared for us. We did not live on welfare, yet had our needs supplied. However, we had also gone through sickness where he lost a year of seminary, layoff at his job and had no income till he found another and numerous other “worse”.

I could go on as to the “worse” we had to deal with over the years until his death, but it was a lot of sticking to the vows and not to feelings.

I am now remarried and there are different kinds of things to deal with. To me living in Texas is a “worse”. I am away from family, it is not very pretty, there are rattlesnakes and all kinds of things that bite or stick you. (On the other hand no snow to deal with!). I have a husband that had been married before and divorced. He has his past and it is now part of me to deal with. Some of the worse most would think. I have to deal with an ex on a weekly basis. Our plans get interrupted because of his past family. (Lest you think he has young children, he does not, they are all married and have families). We still have to deal with it as well as other things. He came with baggage, I come with baggage and this is part of the worse.

Finances, living conditions, anger, loss of job, loss of a child, many things come under the worse banner. I also find the “worse” is different for different people. You may love Texas with it’s rattlesnakes and heat, for you that may be a better, for me it is a worse.

One thing I want to say, and I know many may not agree, part of the worse that you are vowing to should not be abuse. Today there is so much abuse. Maybe it has not changed, we are just more open to talk about it, but I believe it is more. Drugs, drinking, selfcenteredness and sin in general has made abuse so common. Having your life in danger by a spouse is not part of the vow. I believe it calls for a separation and counseling if the spouse is willing to go, or you go alone if not. If your life is in danger, get out. If your kids are being abused, get out.

Better or Worse. We all want the better and dream of the better, but every life has it’s worse times too. Plan on it coming.

One thing to those who are not married yet. I watch some of the court shows on TV. I have them going while I am doing things. Not sure why I do, maybe because I find it so hard to believe that there are people out there like the ones on these shows, yet they are real people. In my mind crazy much of the time, but real. There are a couple of these judges that really impress me. One professes his Christianity without shame. I enjoy him, as he can be really harsh, but usually tries to be fair. Another one is divorce court. I do not sit in front of this taking in everything, however, that judge is so concerned about these people and seems so wise.

She made a statement to a couple that only dated about a week before marrying. Her warning and advice was to all those thinking of marriage. She said : Make a list of your prospective spouse and write down 10 things you do not like about that person.

I thought that she was being strange at first, but then listened. She said if you do not know 10 thinks that are negatives you do not know them well enough to marry. Everyone has 10 negatives… at least.

Then look at your list. Can you live with those negatives? Be they personal, his/her family, his/her habits etc. Can you live with them if they NEVER improve?

For better or worse. Believe me, the worse will come. Stick with your vows and turn the worse into something to bring you closer to each other.

Time with your kids

One thing I love is cheap stuff for the grandkids to do. Right now the granddaughter I watch is too young for this, but when I had the older ones it was a favorite.

Coloring pages! Just like a coloring book, but you can find just the one you want and print it out and they can have fun coloring. I think there is as much pleasure in picking out the picture and there is in the coloring.

Since I think a parent, grandparent or guardian should spend as much time as possible with the children I had as much fun helping them find pictures as they did finding them.

I want to share with you some of my favorite places for digging up coloring pages.

There are more, and a few you need to pay for, one of which is The Coloring Book Pages

The internet holds so many things for you to do with your child. Coloring pages are fun and we are never too old to color!

Spend time with your children and grandchildren. Love is an action, and they learn it by us spending time with them.

For other frugal ideas for your home, check out Biblical Womanhood.

Wedded

We looked at the vow we make at our wedding ceremony in a previous post and today I would like to look at some of the promises we made when we were making that vow. Wedded husband, wedded wife. I thought about this and wondered why we say that, of course we are marrying them and this is a wedding, seems so obvious to me. I looked up the etymology of the word “wedded”. Here is what I found:
Wedded:

Middle English wedden, from Old English weddian; akin to Middle High German wetten to pledge, Old English wedd pledge, Old High German wetti, Gothic wadi, Latin vad-, vas bail, security.
Pledge seemed obvious, but Bail? Security? What is bail? Again I went to the dictionary and found out it is

to remove from danger or harm “the government bailed out the savings and loan industry”.

In marrying someone and pledging our vow to be their wedded husband or wedded wife we are also saying we are their bail, their safety net. I must admit there is much security in having someone going through life with you. When you are down, usually they are there to help you up, and vice versa. We are pledging our support, our becoming one with this other person and to be there for them no matter what happens.

Wedded, even the word itself says a lot about the strength of the vow we are making.

Next we see : to have and to hold from this day forward.

Have.I have a computer, I have a pen, I have a husband. But wait! It is more than that. Again, I consulted Mr. Webster:

a: to hold or maintain as a possession, privilege, or entitlement
b: to hold in one’s use, service, regard, or at one’s disposal
c: to hold, include, or contain as a part or whole

Simple word like have, and look what is involved! We are vowing that we are their possession and they are ours, we will be at their disposal and they at ours. YIKES! What are we getting ourselves into?
Wait! it gets better, we not only say “have” but we say “and to hold”

Hold:
a: to have possession or ownership of or have at one’s disposal
b: to have as a privilege or position of responsibility
c: to have as a mark of distinction

There are some of the same ideas with have and hold, but one is reinforcing the other in the strength of the pledge.

I want to say something here, to have at ones possession or disposal does not allow for abuse, but rather a unity. We will look at more of the pledge and especially of love itself in a future post, but I do not want anyone to think that because your husband or wife made a pledge of marriage to you that you have the right to be bossy or abusive (physically or emotionally).

It is a marriage, a becoming one flesh as God put it, a unity. I am hoping that we can all strive for that unity, a God centered marriage and family.