“To love …” We all have our ideas on love. I love my dog. I love Law and Order. I love the ocean. I love my car and I love my kids. I also love my husband. Different loves.

When the Bible speaks of the love between a husband and wife it is an action word. It is not the mushy gushy feeling you have for the person. Emotions and mushy gushies come and go, but love lasts.

When we promise to love we are promising action; nurturing, cherishing, kindness and putting the other one first.

God is love, we love because of God’s love. Without Him it is very hard to keep love going. It is hard anyway! I mean, what couple really has perfect harmony with out a lot of effort and prayer?

Rick and I get along well, I prayed much before we ever married so some things just work. However, we both have to overlook faults with the other and do a lot of loving actions. Some may feel this is hypocritical. However, since love is an action, not a feeling, the action will bring about the feelings if it is done with the right attitude.

What happens when you get on edge with each other? What steps can you take to be loving?

  • Cool off yourself. For me, sometimes the cooling off comes by doing something when I do not want to. If we are of different opinions about something and get into it, sometimes just doing something nice for him or something he has wanted ( like the pants he likes that popped a button the last time he wore it..2 months ago) I will fix the pants, make a special treat etc. I cool off knowing I am doing something for him, and he cools off getting the special treatment. We are then free to talk things over.
  • Take a walk. If you opt for taking a drive, be sure that you are not so upset that you are not safe on the road. If you drive, get him/her a treat if you can.
  • Take a shower or bath. Somehow it just relaxes
  • Do not come at each other with negatives, sarcasm or threats. This will not build love and will destroy what you want as goal, even if at that moment it seems like what you want to do.
  • Pray! I walk and pray, or do things and pray. It helps me get my perspective back and gives me ideas for showing the love I need to be showing.
Love, it is a beautiful thing. It is a commitment to the other person that you will be there doing for them no matter what. It is a bond. I find love can be so easy, yet there are times when it is stretched. However, if we go into the marriage knowing that it is for life and that the mushy gushy may come and go, since it is not love, love will last. Love is a decision we make and an action we take.

One caution here. If you are being abused or your children are, you need to get out and get help/ I am not saying divorce, I am saying help. We love, but sometimes love needs to make the other person responsible for what they are doing and give them the option to change. This is a hard decision, but out of love you need to do something to make them face up to it. The marriage can go on and be loving if you get help. Abuse is not love, nor is putting up with it dangerously.

3 thoughts on “Love

  1. Loving our children can sometimes be difficult as well. My autistic son can be very verbally abusive. On the one hand, it’s not acceptable and he has consequences. But he isn’t kicked out of the house or having SEVERE consequences like a “regular” child would have at age 12. It’s hard to live with because I know no one in the family deserves it. I know he’s sorry afterward… later on… for the most part. But it affects the whole family, especially his younger siblings. Anger is a very difficult emotion to deal with even if you love someone. What is really sad is it seems that the Christian community either disbelieves that there is a problem or has the attitude that if we just RAISED HIM RIGHT that this wouldn’t have happened. (Thanks for the help, guys.)

    And the secular/ medical would tell me just to ignore it… I’ve heard of parents just “ignoring” even WORSE and horrible insults on a routine basis. I’ve seen the advice on how to avoid “meltdowns” on the other person’s part. I agree with that idea in theory only so far. I would alter a few things that I know would annoy him but can’t live my life walking on eggshells or alter the entire family to please him either. It’s maddening and I feel very alone.

    What is sad is that he is not my only child with physical problems. I asked D the other day how other families can have 10 kids and he said, well, other families can have 10 kids b/c they don’t have the same problems ours do. And he’s right.

    I also have a hard time loving the “Christian community” because they don’t “get it” and they don’t WANT to “get it.”

    Mrs. C

  2. I know that dealing with autism is as hard as dealing with a sick child(I mean like cancer or something) It gets to your emotions, is physically draining and can strain everyone. You are right about the discipline problem. Today it is not considered right to do anything but “time out”. No wonder there is so much abuse today, with this philosophy kids are getting away with everything and becoming undisciplined in all of their life.

    It hurts me when I see people, especially in the church, being judgmental like that. We got to a mid size church and after church the parents will often talk and the kids run wild. The are up on the stage after the instruments, making paper airplanes of their papers or bulletins and about knocking over elderly people. The parents just talk and do nothing, but if you say something there is trouble.

    I am glad you make your autistic son obey as you do. I have seen parents think they can’t learn, can’t obey etc just because the child can’t communicate in words. They let the child run wild and disrupt everything. Even when there is discipline they are hard, but the love and consistency will make a difference.

    God bless you! I will (try) to keep you in my prayers as you deal with this and the others that look at you and comment about your mothering. hugs! Peggie

  3. Thanks, Peggie. Actually both G and Elf can speak just fine. They *seem* fine most of the time to most people… maybe “eccentric” with the arm flapping, etc. You would just think that it’s a strange kid basically. It’s tough to live with though.

    Right now G is screaming, jumping around and hitting the wall in his room because he has missed prayer all week and I have come up with a consequence and he’s mad. I told him mayyybe today he had a “bathroom emergency” (the straw that broke the camel’s back!!) but it doesn’t explain the four other days he was belligerent this week and was sent to his room where he yelled during prayer time, etc. etc.

    Now he is MAD because this is “Emperor’s fault” for annoying him and “making” him lose his temper. And no amount of talking will convince him otherwise, ever.

    You can imagine how peaceful and loving “prayertime” can be some mornings LOL!


    OK thanks for listening. The dump truck is moving away now LOL!

    Mrs. C

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