When the Bible speaks of the love between a husband and wife it is an action word. It is not the mushy gushy feeling you have for the person. Emotions and mushy gushies come and go, but love lasts.
When we promise to love we are promising action; nurturing, cherishing, kindness and putting the other one first.
God is love, we love because of God’s love. Without Him it is very hard to keep love going. It is hard anyway! I mean, what couple really has perfect harmony with out a lot of effort and prayer?
Rick and I get along well, I prayed much before we ever married so some things just work. However, we both have to overlook faults with the other and do a lot of loving actions. Some may feel this is hypocritical. However, since love is an action, not a feeling, the action will bring about the feelings if it is done with the right attitude.
What happens when you get on edge with each other? What steps can you take to be loving?
- Cool off yourself. For me, sometimes the cooling off comes by doing something when I do not want to. If we are of different opinions about something and get into it, sometimes just doing something nice for him or something he has wanted ( like the pants he likes that popped a button the last time he wore it..2 months ago) I will fix the pants, make a special treat etc. I cool off knowing I am doing something for him, and he cools off getting the special treatment. We are then free to talk things over.
- Take a walk. If you opt for taking a drive, be sure that you are not so upset that you are not safe on the road. If you drive, get him/her a treat if you can.
- Take a shower or bath. Somehow it just relaxes
- Do not come at each other with negatives, sarcasm or threats. This will not build love and will destroy what you want as goal, even if at that moment it seems like what you want to do.
- Pray! I walk and pray, or do things and pray. It helps me get my perspective back and gives me ideas for showing the love I need to be showing.
One caution here. If you are being abused or your children are, you need to get out and get help/ I am not saying divorce, I am saying help. We love, but sometimes love needs to make the other person responsible for what they are doing and give them the option to change. This is a hard decision, but out of love you need to do something to make them face up to it. The marriage can go on and be loving if you get help. Abuse is not love, nor is putting up with it dangerously.