Return of the internet junkie

NO, I was not on vacation. Nor was I sick or dead. I am alive and well. Frustrated, but ok.

Friday we had a storm. The lightening was striking everywhere and the thunder was load. Hail the size of marbles to golf balls was coming down. Out went out satellite  TV and internet.  The TV came back on once the rain dyed down some, but not the  internet.  I had so much to do and can’t get it done during the day with Scout here so look to the evening.

I called the company and no one will speak to you. A recording told me what I already knew, there is a problem! I tried all kinds of numbers and all I could find out was “there is a problem and they are aware of it”. Dah.

This morning I found out that lightening had struck a tower, parts were needed and , as said before, they were working on it and aware of the problem.

I do not know about you, but I would think they would have a nice big lightening rod so this would not happen. Don’t they know how important the computer is? I missed reading everyone’s blogs and writing my own. I missed email. I missed sitting and looking at google. I MISSED THE INTERNET!!

I must be an internet junkie.

Well, now I am back. I am reading email and finding what others wrote on their blogs because their internet provider did not leave them stranded. I am reading google reader. I am catching up on email and I am all excited to be back on line!!

Yipee!!!

I am sooooo happy!!

Dealing with the 17 month terrible twos

It has been a long time since I dealt with the “terrible two’s” but the one thing I remember is they started at 16 months with my kids. I had forgotten that point. Forgotten how independent and defiant that cute little darling can be. Forgotten that all the laughter and fun can turn to a tantrum with one of several words: “no”, “come here”, “don’t squeeze the goat” or “Jack (the goat) can’t run around the house and jump on the furniture with you”.

Yes, that sweet, adorable, little angel turns at the drop of a hat into a monster. How can this be?

Independence and wanting her own way comes early in life. She says “shower” while fully dressed and trying to turn on the water and I am trying to get her out of the shower. She runs from there to the dog food, or water and dumps it. I am cleaning up that (after a long talk) and she defies me and does it again.

She was so cute! And, unfortunately she is still cute doing it!

Today I went to bottle feed the goat and she wanted to do it. I tried to show her how to help me. No, she wanted to do it herself. She tried to hold the nipple straight up and got mad when I showed her that he could not drink it that way. From there it went into a temper tantrum! I mean, throw herself down on the floor, clench her fists and scream and I mean SCREAM!

I ignored it, walked away and she stopped. Right away. Tantrums stop quickly when they do not get the attention they want.

But, what about the defiance? The dump the water when you just said “no”?

I find a tap on the butt will make her think. If this does not work, the chair and not being able to play for a bit helps. Some of this stage is hard to handle. However, she will get over it. Terrible twos only lasts from 16 months to about 3 1/2, but it will end.

Of course I am older now. I made it through my kids, but I think my granddaughter may just turn me grey!

Don’t Try This, It will not work!

What doesn’t Work For Me is today’s topic over at Rocks In My Dryer. Since we all learn from mistakes and trials of others I thought I would put in my two cents worth of experience in to consider.

I had almost 30 years of marriage the first time and over 3 now, I have made many mistakes and learned from them. I hope my mistakes can help you.

Yelling does not work. Yelling at your husband works even less than yelling at the kids. It produces fights, anxiety, stress and accomplishes little good.

It does not work to react. Reacting can bring strife, wrong decisions and harm. Act instead. Think and act when you have a chance.

Telling kids to do a job, and not checking on them does not work — usually.

Never say “Clean your room” and emphasize that the floor is a mess. You can be sure the floor will be clean when you check, but a failure to look under the bed and in the closet is a big mistake.

It does not work to tell a child to put away their folded clothes.  Somehow they think throwing them back in the hamper is away. Clarify where and how they should go.

It does not work to nag. Even if it would have been done, it does not get done or gets done with resentment.  Nagging only stresses me out.

Belittling your husband or child does not work, especially in public. This is something I learned by watching others and know it would not work for me.  I see the hurt on the husband or kids face and know it is not helping the relationship.

Starting dinner and walking away for a minute leaves you with something burnt.

I could go on, but there are so many more to read at Rocks in My Dryer.

Handling Sickness

Today my mind is on a subject we do not like to think about in a marriage or in a child. Sickness. I am not talking about the little bugs that come along, or even some bigger bugs, but those illnesses that are life long, life threatening or terminal.

When we marry and say our vows we are saying for better or worse, in sickness and in health.  For me I married with rose colored glasses. I said those words and really thought I would never need the worse or the sickness to be tested. Yet, it did not take long to have them tested. I had our first child a year after we were married. I went in to the hospital had a 7lb 4 oz boy and lost 8 lbs. I should have lost more, and I was pretty upset. However, not nearly as upset as I was when I found out that the time I was in the hospital my husband lost 17 lbs. I was furious. It seemed so unfair and I let God know how upset I was that he could lose that much in 3 days and I had the baby.

He continued to lose weight and soon we found out he was diabetic and had to go on insulin. I found myself feeling scared, disillusioned and worried.  I remember thinking that we were trying to serve the Lord and now this. I thought his death would be just around the corner.

It was tough on both of us. A new lifestyle, a new diet, shots, no sugar it was overwhelming. We got through it and adjusted. As the kids came along I made it a point of keeping us all on his basic diet. For the family, I felt it best if we all kept his diet and not make things seem any different. Our kids grew up without a lot of sugar in the house, eating veggies of all kinds, salads and  as balanced a meal as we could afford.

Why did I make us all eat that way?

  • We are a family and stick together
  • It was easier than making a number of meals
  • My husband did not feel different and “more trouble”. It was a family eating plan

What were the benefits?

  • My kids are not picky eaters and will eat at people’s homes and eat what is put in front of them
  • They grew up with veggies and eating them was enforced
  • they hardly had any sugar growing up, a very healthy thing!

There are more benefits, but these are obvious. We adjusted and accepted it as a family.

Things went along well for years, then, at the age of 46, my husband had a heart attack and was between life and death for 3 weeks.  Another big change in our lives.  Several Dr. errors and a year later we found out that his condition was terminal. We were doing kidney dialysis at home as well as watching all his vitals constantly. Things were a daily care and touch and go.

All this brought more into my life than I ever thought I could handle. However, God was good and helped me adjust all the way. We grew closer and talked over his coming death and what he wanted for his funeral etc. It was precious time because we did accept it together.

A year before he died he told me he was praying for who I would marry after he was gone. He prayed God would bring a man into my life. How blessed I felt, yet was so touched that tears did not stop and I yelled at him for telling me!

When he died God was there and with me the whole time. I could write a book about how God had us on vacation (yes, I tried to keep everything as normal as we could, dialysis and all we went camping in a pop up!) when he died, how he had the driver of the ambulance be a close friend and how he went before me to have the state of NY let me return to ME and release his body without delay. Someday I may tell it, but right now I want to impress the need to let sickness draw you closer.

So many couples let a sick child or spouse separate them. The death of a child brings a divorce. A sick spouse brings resentment and abandonment. It should not be.

Prepare your marriage now. You never know what is around the bend in this life.  Begin now to get closer.

  • pray together, if things happen pray together more!
  • support one another, do not get at each other over things
  • find ways to show love, leave notes etc. Find your way and keep at it
  • If someone is sick, they need to be loved, and not made to feel like a burden.  When my husband was bad, I never felt it was a burden. All I went through was out of love and like that old song, he ain’t heavy he is my brother (husband, son, daughter, wife) Where love is and abounds there is no burden. Tired maybe, drained from not sleeping more than 2 hrs at a time maybe, but it was never a burden, never a regret.
  • Help them feel independent when they can, but be there to help when needed.

We all hope it never happens, but  we need to decide ahead that we will do all to keep the marriage together and learn and live through the best and worst of times.