Today I Have Been Thinking

I do not know how many of you have been widowed and then remarried, but I have. I know how important it is to have a husband who is so secure in your love that he does not mind you talking about your first marriage. I have such a husband. He even encouraged me to have a picture of Willie up and never minds me talking or sharing things from my past.

Today I was thinking about how blessed I have been. Not that it has not come with some bittersweet parts, but I have been blessed with two wonderful husbands. As I thought on this my mind drifted to the fact that this August will be 10 years since the death of my first husband. The last few days I have been thinking on this for some reason.

My first husband was a pastor who studied from the Greek and Hebrew to prepare his sermons and really preached the Word. I miss that so much. Today’s pastor’s preach a watered down Word. Even though he was so strong on preaching the Word accurately  he also loved humor. Today I want to share with you two of his favorites.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n0KHt8xrQkk[/youtube]

And the second one:

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sShMA85pv8M[/youtube]

I realize these will take some time, watch when you can. Relax and enjoy!

Thanks for letting me share!

A Supportive Husband

I have a wonderful husband! He is loving and kind and likes to put me first most of the time.

Our family is somewhat a blended family. After being widowed for about 5 years Rick and I married. All our children are grown and have kids of their own, yet it is blended. I have five, he has three. Mine are in Maine and one in North Carolina, his are here in Texas. Four grand kids here, two in  North Carolina and thirteen in Maine. Yet, they are really all ours. His and mine together.

Our one granddaughter I see every day. She is 22 months old and I have the privelege of watching her while her mom works. She is ours, his and mine, even thought technically she has none of my blood in her. This does not mean she does not have a lot of me in her! We mesh, blend and are family.

My husband and I have little money, and since he switched jobs we have even less. This year we had no vacation, which is when we try to go up to see our other half of the family that is not in Texas. This summer it did not happen and while I understood, it was hard on me. I found it has been hard on Rick also. He has been hurting for me and told me to watch the plane fares.

After several weeks of watching one airline dropped and my husband told me to get out the credit card! I think he is as happy as I am that I am getting to go. I will see a new granddaughter, all the other grandkids and five of our kids. YIPEE!!!

Lest you be thinking that maybe he is just glad to get rid of me let me tell you what this means for him.

  • we have goats. I take care of them. He leaves for work at 4:30 AM and will now need to get up early to care for them before he goes.
  • I have a cleaning job. He will need to work his 10 hours, then on Wednesday go and do 4 hours more of cleaning. On weekends he will need to do about 10-12.
  • I make his lunches, he will have to make his own
  • We have other pets that I care for, he will now have to do it

All this does not include the household things.  This is a great sacrifice for him and I appreciate it so much.

How did I get such a husband?  Prayer! I prayed long and hard before he came into my life. It is also the way I got my first husband. Both of them were/are blessings from God.

Husband’s need love.

As I look around the house I wonder how my husband feels when he comes home.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5C0bwALO2To[/youtube]

Now, I am sure no one’s home looks like this. Mine does not either, but with a 21 month old running around making disaster I FEEL like it looks like this.  I have toys around, books on the sofa and chair ( books like “Are You My Mother’ and “Simba roars”). There are stickers stuck to my husbands chair. The only reason there is not food on the floor is we have a dog that follows her around and cleans that up.

Then there is my stuff. I have to sew on the dining room table. I use the top of the freezer to cut out my patterns. Right now there is a sewing machine and serger set up on the table, some stacks of fabric, a few patterns cut and waiting to sew, another on the freezer waiting to get cut out and a basket with patterns in the middle of the table.

Kitchen? Dishwasher is clean but not unloaded.

I wonder, how does Rick feel when he walks in and sees this after a hard day at work?

Look at our side as mother’s and grammie’s who watch the grandkids all day. We are exhausted. We have played nurse, cook, housekeeper. playmate, diaper changer, poop scooper and paper towel holder (for the times the potty was not made to!). We have tried to run around like an idiot at nap time so we can accomplish something for the day.

Soon we realize, usually as he is walking in the door, that it is time for hubby to come home.

I wonder about marriages. Are we really giving our spouse the love and attention he needs like we do to the children? They demand it, but he needs it too. Is he getting our best?

I see marriages where the husband complains about the wife and vice versa. How much could be avoided with a little planning on our part?

Some ideas:

  • Make coming home time a time for the kids to be excited about. Have them help make the living room nice for him to walk in to. My granddaughter is 21 months old, but I can tell her PAPA is coming soon and get her to help some. It may not be the way we would do it, but she does try and picks up things when I tell her he is coming. I make that a special thing. She looks forward to him coming.
  • Do your hair before he comes! Still in that nightgown? Get dressed!
  • When he comes in ask what you can get him. He may want some ice tea, coffee, whatever. Let him know he is special.
  • If he needs time to not talk, give it to him, if not, ask how his day went. Do not start with how your day was!!
  • Do not tell him he needs to discipline the kids.  This will do two things; one, your kids will not be excited to see him and two, he will not want to come home to crabs. You are with them all day, you do the discipline when they are with you.  As moms and grammies we tend to not be firm like we should, or tend to be too firm and not let them live or be kids. Both ways it makes for trouble.

Where does all this get you? What about your day?  When we start showing this love and consideration to our husbands they will, in turn, give it back to us. If they are unhappy and feeling neglected, they will not be able to respond to us.

We are the keepers of the home, the home makers. We can also be the home breakers.

Love your husband, when the kids move out of the house it will be the two of you. Do not wait till then to try to build your relationship to what it should be.

A Dripping Faucet?

Somehow I missed last Monday with my homemaking ideas, but I think I am back on track today.

How has your life been? Mine has been filled to the point my head has been spinning! I wonder why I am even participating in a Homemaking carnival when my home gets to looking like a diseaster area.  Please do not tell me I am the only one that has a home that gets messy!

This weekend I found myself frustrated. Headache from something that the wind blew in, literally.  Worry Concern over a new granddaughter that has jaundice, her sister who is sick and my son in law and daughter who are exhausted; sewing projects piled on the table and my sewing machine decides to act up and may need to be replaced, our work schedule, goats that keep getting tangled up because husband has not got the fence up yet, clothes dryer not able to work when the air is on as it blows the cirguit breaker at the pole (and husband has not put up clothes line yet) … the list goes on.

Now, did you notice something? hint: the word “husband” mentioned?

I used to be more uptight about things, but now it is hard for me to nag. I find I am more laid back and will go through the trouble of putting up with things that there is solutions for that money is not totally involved in.

For instance, we have much of the wire needed for the fencing. Yes, we need some poles, but there are some to get started. It is laying on the side of the house. Something else for the goats rope to get tangled in and me have to go out and untangle.

The supplies to hang the clothes line are behind my freezer in a bag. Well they were in a bag till my granddaughter played with them and broke the bag and dumped them behind the freezer. I can’t put up the line, we live in Texas and it means putting up a pole since there are no big trees.

I can’t take a bath because the tub is filled with cement board and tile for a project that is started and not done.

My craft/computer room is unorganized. I need to get some wood feet under one cabinet so the drawers will open and I can fix the one that broke trying to open it on the floor. A large shelf needs to be moved out too.

When you live in a small place things look cluttered pretty easily.  Drives me bonkers.

Now, as I said, Nagging is hard for me. I think that is good in many ways. Before I nag I think. What has he been doing? How is he feeling? Is he wasting time and just not doing or is there a reason?

  • Till recently my husband has not been getting days off, but rather working many hours
  • He is tired when he is home
  • Some of the projects need money we do not have
  • Some projects take my time at the same time and we are not able to get it together or I need to do something just before he has to do something then we need to put it all back after he is done. This takes time together and time for each of us. Scheduling can be a problem.

What I have learned after years of marriage is that we need to think before we nag and grumble. It seems so obvious, yet so hard at times.

Let me explain how I learned this lesson.

Before Rick, I had been married to a wonderful man. We had a good marriage. I loved him very much. However, I was much more head-strong. I would nag, sometimes with that silent nag, you know the one, get angry under your breath, grumble, have your little tantrums about things not getting done. Maybe not so others will even notice, but he knew. Arguments followed. Finally he did it, and then it may not be done right as he was now angry too.

Then one day this man you love has a heart attack. Nothing that happened when you were nagging, but rather on our vacation when it was fun. He was between life and death for 3 weeks.  I changed. When I knew that our life would never be the same again, it all hit me. I knew I had to do something to make life easier on him and needed to think more.

Before I complained, nagged, grumbled to him I asked myself this: Is this worth him getting stressed out and having another heart attack over? If it is, grumble, if not, shut up.

He lived through the attack and the following kidney failure, but we knew it was just a matter of time. I stuck with that change. I complained when he was eating something not good for him (like the bag of potato chips that were left in the house). Other times I would get after him when needed, but not like before.

My husband did die and I remarried. I still think before I complain or nag. I have a wonderful husband who has a tiring life at work. I have a tiring life at home.  I learned to think.

Things will get done, eventually. Not on my schedule, but they will get done. I want to grumble ,sometimes, about the goat fence. The weather has been close to 100 or above out there. Would me, after working all day want to go out and work on that in this heat? Not on your life! Neither does he. Fall is coming. It will get done. Eventually.

Homemaking and being a wife involve a lot. It takes sacrifice, patience and love. It is not all about us and what we need when we need it.

The Bible says a nagging wife is like a drippy faucet.  I have one of those too! We can’t find the part to fix it. It drips, loudly. So loud we turn off the water at the hot water heater to keep it from dripping. (It is summer and in Texas the cold water is warm enough for most things anyway!) I know I would not want to be thought of as a dripping faucet. A nag. A control freak whose husband needs to jump at my command. No way!

Ladies, let’s be sure to turn off the faucet. Stop the dripping and think before we nag, grumble, complain, get on him.

King of the Castle

Is your husband king of the castle? Today something came across my desk that I want to talk about. We women have a problem sometimes. Unfortunately we do not always realize it either.

Your husband is a provider. He needs to feel like a provider. Many times we women, unknowingly, make him feel like less of a man. Maybe he is struggling to make ends meet and they are not meeting.  Maybe he has health problems and can’t work, or laid off or fired. How do we treat him consciously as well as unconsciously?

My husband is a hard worker. He is thoughtful, does his best and goes the extra mile. He works long hours, comes home tired and often there is much to do around here and he is tired. The temptation is to not want to let him sit down, but cut the grass, fix this or that etc.

Our ends also do not meet. Sometimes we get behind. Sometimes we do without things we should not do with out. We also do without needs.

Life is a struggle and with all the prices going up, gas getting out of the world and our health insurance making another big jump it is going to make things even harder.

How about you?

Now, how do we make our husbands feel? Many of us are stay at home moms and care for our children. I, personally, think this is the highest calling any woman can have and am all for it. Many find things to do at home for extra money as well as the ability to make the money we do have go farther. I babysit and clean offices one night a week and on weekends to help. But, how do we deal with our husbands when things are tight? Or when things need to be done at home?

I hear more and more women complain. Complain to their husbands, to others and in general about not making ends meet, about him not fixing stuff etc. Men have needs emotionally. They need to feel they are providing and appreciated even if ends aren’t meeting. They need to know you appreciate and respect them for their hard work, inability to work or trying to get a job.

How do you talk to him? Is it negative or positive (or positively negative)? Our words and actions communicate so much to him. If he knows that his efforts are appreciated and you are fully supporting him emotionally and physically then he can feel like King of His Castle.

I have learned that I need to give my husband the pleasure of resting when he gets home, even if there are things to be done. If I offer him the drink, be positive and give him time to rest, then tell him kindly that something needs to be fixed etc it works much better.

If I am positive and making sure he knows how much his efforts mean and how much I know he is trying things work much better.

I am not saying manipulate, I am saying doing it in love and care for him and his needs. Let him be king and he will make you queen. My husband responds to the positive. We may not be meeting the ends or just meeting them, but there is peace and happiness in our home because this works for me and will work for you also.