Seven years ago yesterday my husband and I were married. This was a hard decision for me, as well as for him I am sure.
For me it meant moving a long long way from my family. Being raised in the eastern US and him living in Texas I knew it was going to be change. (NEVER did I realize how much change!) I was a widow who had a good marriage for almost 30 years and was afraid of marrying someone who was not going to work to make a good marriage. I also did not want to move from my family. However, the last year of my first husband’s life he was telling me how he was praying for God to bring the right man into my life when he was gone and that I needed to be prepared to move away from the kids. I did tell him never would I do that (And my preaching was always, never say never!)
Rick came into my life a little less than 5 years after Willie’s death and, frankly, I tried to get rid of him. I was staying on the east coast, I was not moving that far away so there was no reason to get to know him! He asked if we could not just be friends and chat. He wanted to learn more about having a good marriage and since we seemed to have so much in common maybe we could just be friends.
His situation was failed marriages, now living for the Lord and wanting to have a wife that was a Godly woman. He had been alone for some time and working on his Spiritual life.
Needless to say, God worked and here I am in Texas! What a change, and not all good. I am used to nice Green trees, grass, rain, mountains and rivers. Lakes that are not man made but beautiful, God made, with gorgeous settings.
Not Texas! Rocks, scattered trees and lots of prickly pear cactus. Hot. Dry. A “river” is a gully with a trickle in it and a “tank” is a small pond. There are critters I never heard of yet they are beautiful, poisonous and can make you pretty sick.
I can add the fox and bob cat and wild pigs and all but then again, my mom lives in a built up area of NJ and has her share of bears so I guess these other animals do not count.
Seven years yesterday. Already.
When we married I prayed for my husband. You see, I was a pastor’s wife and his life was so different from mine. Now he was changing and growing but the church he was going to, and actually was his job as building administrator, was far from the truth of the Bible. Yes, he was a born again Christian, but the more I attended that church the more the fallacies of what was being preached became obvious. I began to point them out to my husband and show him the truth in Scripture. His first reaction was anger at me. He had been brought to the Lord through this teaching and now was fully believing all that was being told. When I showed him how things were being taken out of context and you can’t properly interpret the Bible that way he balked at all of it.
I shut up and began to pray. My prayer was, and still is, from Colossians:
9 For this reason also, since the day we heard of it, we have not ceased to pray for you and to ask that you may be filled with the knowledge of His will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding,10 so that you will walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, to please Him in all respects,bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God;11strengthened with all power, according to His glorious might, for the attaining of all steadfastness and patience; joyously 12 giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified us to share in the inheritance of the saints in Light.
Rick did begin to see the truth. Not because I pushed, but because I prayed. Rick is a studier and began to study when something the pastor said did not set right. He then studied out things I had said and asked questions. He listened to speakers on the computer.
One day, on his day off, he wanted to take a ride. We drove for some time and I asked where we were going. We went to a small town called Clifton, TX. When I asked why he told me he wanted to find out where a small church was as he had heard the preacher online. Some time later, he told me we were going to a Monday night service they were having there as he wanted to hear this man. He had been writing to him by email and was interested.
Monday came and on the way there I finally said “Who are we going to go listen to”. I am glad I was sitting down when he told me as the very man we were going to hear teach was the man I had as a faculty adviser when I went to an East coast Bible College years before!
Seven years and this husband of mine has changed so much. He quit his job at the church and stepped out in faith by taking a job for much less pay than he was making (and we were hardly making it financially before!) so that he could get out of the un-Biblical teaching.
I have learned prayer works way better than nagging, complaining and pushing. Colossians has the plan and the pattern for praying for others and especially our spouses.
No, Rick is not perfect but neither am I. Maybe another few years and more of the verse will be answered as well.
Yesterday, while we were out, Rick prayed a number of times. Each time he thanked God for bringing us together 7 years ago. I guess he is happy with me
Now, where in the Bible is a prayer that will get him to move closer to MY family?
Do you get impatient? Want things done when you want them? Wonder why he can’t get at it and do it?
You are not alone.
I sit here in a house that needs work. Some of it we have no money to fix as it requires more than what we have. However, some we have the items needed to fix the problem, in fact a few jobs the stuff has been here for a few years, but the job is still not done. I can’t do it, at least not alone. He does not have it on a priority list. Other jobs he has to do, some are urgent, some just to make it look better or be safer, but they do not get done.
Right now we need to make some decisions on heating. Our furnace was struck by lightening and the circuit board was blown out. Our central air goes through the furnace and they were able to direct wire the air for the last bit of the summer, but we have no heat. It is now November 10, and no heat. New furnace? Much money on a 30 something year old furnace? Something else for heat? Decisions needed!
I live in Texas, so heat is not really needed ,for the most part , yet. However, when it hits here it hits, sometimes only a day or two in the beginning, sometimes full force. We KNOW it is coming. Finances are a big problem but still, some decision needs to be made before we freeze.
Hubby is not worrying about it!
Now, us women tend to want and need certain things. We are in the home, we tend the home as best we can and hate having floors undone and tripping over linoleum torn or looking at floors with nothing but the bare under-flooring.
Many other things are put off and put off as men do not think of it nor have it as priorities. I get frustrated.
I used to be a nag, used to push for things to get done and get them done now. Not any more. A few things hit me at the time of my late husband’s heart attack back in 1995. While there I knew that his heart attack was not my fault, there was no nagging etc going on then, it just happened. However, those three weeks of watching him hang between life and death made me think. Nothing in the world was worth nagging , complaining about or pushing to get done that would make it worth sending him back into the hospital or worse. Those three weeks changed me greatly. If it was not worth it, I did not push or get after him. If it was a matter of his health, I did, but to get things done or just bacause I did not like his timing or what he was doing or the way, it was not worth it.
Now, I am not a nag, not confrontational, not pushy.
I am praying and asking God to work on him. When I get opportunities to say something constructive, I do. Yes, it gets frustrating at times, but I have to keep praying.
We need heat. Certain things need to get done. Other things are my own frustration. His clutter setting in the living room, dead computers here and there and piles of books all over upset me, but are not things that need to get cared for but rather a frustration.
As I look at the situation here and with others I know us women need to pray for our husbands way more than we do and way way more than we nag or push. Nagging and pushing may get things done in some hubby, but others will build up resentment and a feeling that no matter what they can’t please us.
Men’s brains are different than ours.
I am praying more for my husband to see that there are NEEDS…. like the heat and other things… that have to get done and some very soon. Decisions need to get made and arrangements made. He is well aware that the heat has to be cared for very soon, but making a decision as to what is taking the time.
While I used the heat as an example, I am well aware of all that is involved in making this decision and how much has to be considered. I am sure he is thinking about it, but I hate to have it put off so long that we do something out of desperation instead of thought. Wait to make it and then we could make the wrong one. I am trusting God to make things clear to my dear husband and make the decision easier for him.
Pray for your husband. Things are not easy being a man either. WE women are not to control them, rule them, be the head, even when they are slow about it. God holds them responsible as head and us responsible as a submissive wife who prays for her husband. I think we have the harder job in some way, but when I look at their responsibility before God I am not sure I would want that either.
I have now rambled, at 4 AM, not even finishing my first cup of coffee!
Hope you have a good day and Pray for that man of yours and the decisions he needs to make today. Pray for a clarity in him of how God wants him to lead the family. Pray for things he has been putting off that are needs. Pray also, for the frustrations you face and see if there is a solution to the nagging and a way to constructively ask or suggest.
Ready! Set! ON YOUR KNEES for that man you married!
Yesterday was a tired, stressed day. First, I could not sleep the night before. I had too much caffeine too late and was awake. I went to the computer so as not to wake the babies (bottle baby sheep) or my husband and my email had a message from facebook that someone commented on something connected to me. I do not spend much time on facebook, just do not have the time to sit there like that, but that night I decided to read comments down my page.
I do not recommend it at bed time! I found out all the ads and messages from places I signed up as fans to; I found out my daughters and daughter in law were talking about milk; I found out that two daughters in law were threatening to kick eachother and the shorter one (Still MUCH taller than me) was threatening the other one and the taller said she could not reach her where she wanted to kick her. (NOW, this was all in fun, these two are best of friends, keep that in mind when I get farther down this post!)
I found out about all kinds of things. Some family members were collecting bald eagles and other weird animals, guess it is a game. Softball, trips and T-ball were all on my home/profile pages.
Again, I say do not read at bed time!
I finally went to bed. I began to dream. And dream. Animals, sickness and ball playing. Fabric and embroidery designs. And then, there I was at my one son’s house talking to his family when in comes the other son and his family. You got it! The two daughters in law began to fight. Now, remember, they are close friends! However, they were going at it for real, trying to kick each other as threatened. Well, I woke and have no idea who won, but went to sleep and the taller one was gone and I was sitting there with a very happy daughter in law… I am guessing she did reach where she aimed.
Then I woke again and it was time for hubby to leave for work. (by 5 AM). I was tired, felt like I never slept and Scout comes early.
My day went crazy. Scout was a little less than obedient and into everything. She was doing things she normally does not do like spilling water, starting the microwave when I am sitting on the pot, etc. Just seemed like I was cleaning up or scolding. How I longed for nap time by 9 AM.
Nap time came and went. She played, would not sleep and finally got up as I did not want her going to sleep when her mom was coming in an hour. (Scout usually sleeps for 2-3 hours, if woke early you do not want to be near her!).
Rick ended up having to work till 7 or so as he had a big job, so he was gone for 14 hours+ and dinner was going to be late. I was tired, had to get things done that a 3 yr. old did not let me get done, and felt like doing nothing.
Not only that, but from reading things on facebook I missed my family so much more. I have grown used to a pain in my heart all the time, but sometimes it is made bigger. Yesterday was one of those days, just seems like the last few days have been leading up to it. I heard from all three daughters by email, text and phone call yesterday and wished that men were more communicative.
My husband had no idea of how I was feeling and the hard day I had with missing my kids and dealing with Scout’s antics. He had so much work that we did not talk much on the phone and I did not tell him as he had so much on his mind already.
Then he came home. He did not have flowers, but he had stopped and bought me a diet pepsi as well as this:
On the inside was this:
What did I do?
It eased so much pain.
I have been so blessed with wonderful, loving husbands. My first husband was tops and never did I think another one would come along when he died. God is so Good, and while Rick did not know what I needed yesterday, God did and planted it in Rick’s heart.
This last month I have been foster mom to a little lamb. Georgie, as he came to be named by my granddaughter, was born a preemie and could not walk. The sheep farmer and his wife were going away on a business trip and would be gone a week, back a few days and then gone another week. Georgie would not survive without special care. Knowing me and knowing I would give him the care he needed they asked if I would foster him with the option to keep him. Anyone who knows me knew I jumped at the chance to save his life.
Within a day Georgie could stand some and in a week was moving around really well. Feeding him was a bit of problem in that he did not know how to grab the bottle and would not open his mouth but bop it with his nose and think that should work.
Scout, my granddaughter, and Georgie quickly became pals. Georgie was diapered and ran around the house following Makita (my dog), Scout or myself. When hungry he was bopping my ankle and yelling loudly “maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa”.
The owners returned and I hung on to Georgie until this last Sunday when I knew he was too big for staying in the house, and it was not good for him to be outside by himself. Georgie would stay in the pack n play even though he could easily clear it and jump out, but he was obedient when I said “no” and would just stay there. However, he thought he was a cat or dog, to his convenience., Cats curl up on the couch, he tried it and got booted. Dogs have a dog bed, he tried it and Makita was not really thrilled about sharing but let him. Goats would have nothing to do with him except push him around and send him flying so he (and we) knew they were not an option.
Sunday I took Georgie back to the farm. He cried, I cried.
Monday my husband went to work as usual. I did not have Scout that day and it was a bit quiet with no Georgie to feed either.
Rick had a Dr. appointment and I knew he was coming home from work in the AM to get ready for that, but was rather surprised when he came home at 8:30 and not 10 like we planned. He pulled in, came in the door and said “I need your help, come out the the car”.
Obedient wife that I am , sometimes, most times, I got up and went out with him. He opened the back door and said “Happy Valentines day”. There was Georgie, and two friends! Blondie and Dagwood are now sharing the outside with Georgie. We have a small shed on the porch so I can get to them easily for bottle feeding.
All my life, since a kid, I wanted a sheep. I used to ask my dad and he would say “What good is a sheep, can’t milk it, why have them?” . Well, now I know what good they are. They eat weeds and manicure a large not mowable yard and eat what the goats don’t in the pasture. Found it out, but did not expect to have any.
Georgie is a black and white Dorper, handsome fellow. Blondie is a Barbado and Dagwood a Mouflon, so all different in looks. I will put up a picture when I get one taken, we spent all yesterday building a shed on the porch!
Ever watch TV when the, I believe, Weight watcher commercial comes on? You know, the one with the Hungry Monster. He dances in front of everything you look at, trying for your attention. Jumps, peeks, looks so cute and you are trying to ignore him.
We tell our children there are no monsters. Nope, not under the bed, in the dark room or in the closet. They are not real we reassure them.
Yet sometimes I wonder.
My first husband died of heart disease. It was a hard thing to go through and I blocked out a lot of things to deal with him and the kidney failure, the knowledge that he could die at any time and all that went with facing all of this. My life became a routine of caring and procedures to keep him going. Marriage has it’s spats, but I would hold it in as “nothing was worth getting worked up over should he die and that was the last thing that happened”. Things that should have been handled and wrongs that should have been talked out, were let go and shoved inside a place in my brain.
You see, I had a monster. Like “Hungry” it popped up in most things, most places I looked at and things I did. Big and not as cute as Hungry, he took over. His name was not Hungry, But FEAR.
Fast forward to this last week, a bit over 10 years from the death of Willie. I am remarried and my husband tells me he is having a slight pain in the chest and wants to see the Dr. (Of course he did not tell me this till Sunday night and it happened on Saturday!). The Dr. sends us to a cardiologist and Rick’s EKG is not right. Now we are facing stress test and ECHO in the next two days.
The monster is back. I am holding him in so as not to upset my husband. He is here with flashbacks of all I went through. He is big. Dancing in my every thought and seems to have brought along a few more friends with him this time.
I think back to the commercial. Weight Watchers gives the strength to fight Hungry. They are there online, all the time (unless you have an internet connection like ours. Satellite broadband that is iffy). Only a short web site away and Hungry can be banished.
Well, this morning I was seeing my monster big time. Rick was going to work and I know he lifts heavy things, is on his feet all day and Monster started dancing.
As normal, in the morning I grab my Bible and began to read. I try to take that early time to have some time with the Lord before Scout arrives, the animals get demanding and I get involved and forget.
As I read I was praying. God spoke to me in the passage, not about my monster, but about other things. We do not have a local church, but travel 75 miles for a Bible Preaching Church. There are churches here but so far all we have found are ones caught up in the apostasy of the day. Not in teaching the Word of God. I am not going to go there now, but today’s Scripture hit me about that.
I prayed more about this monster. All the while FEAR was dancing around in front of me. I finally said “Lord, I can’t function with that thing dancing. I need to be able to handle this and not be paralyzed by that Monster”. I then talked to God about Hungry and the “quick fix” of a solution the TV showed. God showed me that HE has a fix too. “Be not afraid, only believe”.
I thought about how many times those words are said in Scripture. “Be not afraid”. It hit me, my Monster is a common monster. If it was not, those words would not be said over and over.
Another thing hit. While it sounds easy to trust, it is not for us humans. Like the little kid, and you shine the light in the closet or under the bed and they see there is no monster, turn out the light and they are sure it is there again.
As I prayed the light was there and my monster shrunk. As I go about the day it starts dancing. I am praying that today I can keep shining that light on the FEAR monster and not feel the panic I do at times. Tomorrow is the one test. I pray that all is fine and the EKG was just whacky the other day. However, I need to trust the Lord that HE knows best.
What are the Monsters you face?
There hath notemptationtaken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it. 1 Corinthians 10:13
Our Monsters are all common to man. We all have them. Apparently FEAR is a big one. I do not handle it well. Sometimes it will make me move and do things I would not do, for the good; other times it is paralyzing.
If you are reading this, please pray for us through this time. God has blessed me with Rick. I felt like after 29+ years of marriage to Willie that there would not be another man that could compare. Willie made me promise to remarry. He prayed for the man I would marry after he was gone. Rick came into my life and he has been a blessing to me.
Together we need to look at our Monsters in THE LIGHT and trust Him.