When Husbands procrastinate

Do you get impatient? Want things done when you want them? Wonder why he can’t get at it and do it?

You are not alone.

I sit here in a house that needs work. Some of it we have no money to fix as it requires more than what we have. However, some we have the items needed to fix the problem, in fact a few jobs the stuff has been here for a few years, but the job is still not done. I can’t do it, at least not alone. He does not have it on a priority list.  Other jobs he has to do, some are urgent, some just to make it look better or be safer, but they do not get done.

Right now we need to make some decisions on heating. Our furnace was struck by lightening and the circuit board was blown out. Our central air goes through the furnace and they were able to direct wire the air for the last bit of the summer, but we have no heat. It is now November 10, and no heat. New furnace? Much money on a 30 something year old furnace? Something else for heat? Decisions needed!

I live in Texas, so heat is not really needed ,for the most part , yet. However, when it hits here it hits, sometimes only a day or two in the beginning, sometimes full force. We KNOW it is coming.  Finances are a big problem but still, some decision needs to be made before we freeze.

Hubby is not worrying about it!

Now, us women tend to want and need certain things. We are in the home, we tend the home as best  we can and hate having floors undone and tripping over linoleum torn or looking at floors with nothing but the bare under-flooring.

Many other things are put off and put off as men do not think of it nor have it as priorities. I get frustrated.

I used to be a nag, used to push for things to get done and get them done now. Not any more. A few things hit me at the time of my late husband’s heart attack back in 1995. While there I knew that his heart attack was not my fault, there was no nagging etc going on then, it just happened. However, those three weeks of watching him hang between life and death made me think. Nothing in the world was worth nagging , complaining about or pushing to get done that would make it worth sending him back into the hospital or worse. Those three weeks changed me greatly. If it was not worth it, I did not push or get after him. If it was a matter of his health, I did, but to get things done or just bacause I did not like his timing or what he was doing or the way, it was not worth it.

Now, I am not a nag, not confrontational, not pushy.

I am praying and asking God to work on him. When I get opportunities to say something constructive, I do.  Yes, it gets frustrating at times, but I have to keep praying.

We need heat. Certain things need to get done. Other things are my own frustration. His clutter setting in the living room,  dead computers here and there and piles of books all over upset me, but are not things that need to get cared for but rather a frustration.

As I look at the situation here and with others I know us women need to pray for our husbands way more than we do and way way more than we nag or push.  Nagging and pushing may get things done in some hubby, but others will build up resentment and a feeling that no matter what they can’t please us.

Men’s brains are different than ours.

I am praying more for my husband to see that there are NEEDS…. like the heat and other things… that have to get done and some very soon. Decisions need to get made and arrangements made. He is well aware that the heat has to be cared for very soon, but making a decision as to what is taking the time.

While I used the heat as an example, I am well aware of all that is involved in making this decision and how much has to be considered. I am sure he is thinking about it, but I hate to have it put off so long that we do something out of desperation instead of thought. Wait to make it and then we could make the wrong one. I am trusting God to make things clear to my dear husband and make the decision easier for him.

Pray for your husband. Things are not easy being a man either. WE women are not to control them, rule them, be the head, even when they are slow about it. God holds them responsible as head and us responsible as a submissive wife who prays for her husband.  I think we have the harder job in some way, but when I look at their responsibility before God I am not sure I would want that either.

I have now rambled, at 4 AM, not even finishing my first cup of coffee!

Hope you have a good day and Pray for that man of yours and the decisions he needs to make today. Pray for a clarity in him of how God wants him to lead the family. Pray for things he has been putting off that are needs. Pray also, for the frustrations you face and see if there is a solution to the nagging and a way to constructively ask or suggest.

Ready! Set! ON YOUR KNEES for that man you married!

My husband is singing my praises

It is not my birthday. Not our anniversary. Not his birthday. I did not make his favorite meal. Did not let him have the remote (well, I did, but he always has it). So why is he praising me?

My life is lived in prayer asking God to make me the woman I am meant to be. The wife fit for him.

So, why today? He is always loving, kind, affectionate. He always brags about me. Why more today? Why more hugs? More praises? What brought this on?

We went to church. Rick is the building administrator for a church and this means we need to be there early. Part of his job is getting everything ready, making sure everything is working, heat/air is right and no one has made a mess that requires last minute clean-up. He needs to clean the pulpit as it is a Plexiglas and shows every finger print so this is always a last minute job.

My part on Sunday is to make the coffee that is out for everyone and to set out the communion.

We were both busy at work when a man came in. He works with the video equipment and always comes shortly after we do. He went to do his work and about 20 minutes later his wife came in. She plays the piano and comes early for the praise team practice.

What does all this have to do with my husband? Why did he suddenly come in the kitchen loving me and praising me to others?

Mr. X was told by Mrs. X that he did not do his job that morning before he left and he had to go home and make the bed. Rick heard that, I heard Mr. X come in the kitchen for coffee and announce he had to run home to do his husbandly duty and he was just told about it. Later my husband told me what happened, and announced that he was so glad I was his wife!

Any of you that read my blog know that I promote the husband is the head of the home and wives are to not be the ones wearing the pants. We have no right to order our husbands to do anything. Husbands are to be loving, wives to submit when there is a difference of opinion.

This incident reminded me of how messed up our Christian marriages have become . I am not going to repeat previous posts about husband/ wife relationships, but I want to add to what has been written.

My husband was praising me, being affectionate, bragging about me “in the gates” all because I was letting God work in me. He appreciates me. He does things for me. He lets me have say in things and often agrees with me. Not because I make him, but out of love.

Wives, if we ask God and seek Him to make us into the wives we are to be with a meek and quiet spirit, honoring our husband and respecting him it will make a difference. He will brag about you in a good way, be more loving than you can imagine and want to be with you.

Treat him with disrespect. bossy, controlling and dishonoring and you will not only have a husband who wants to do his own thing, but you will also have to face God for not being what He intended for you to be. One other thing, it will also make your husband have to stand before God and explain why he was not the man of the house and did not rule his family well. In the end, it will fall back on you.

Pray today, that God will make you the wife He intended. Get out your Bible and find all that is in there for wives. We can all improve, but it takes relying on HIM.

What if you were Mrs. Noah? (part 2)

If you have not done it already, please go back and read yesterday’s post, it should be directly below this one. Today’s post may not make as much sense to you if you do not read part 1 first.

Noah is now making good headway on his ark, but Mrs. Noah still has something to say. I imagine if it happened today there would be all kinds of complaints, I mean a huge ocean liner being built in her yard with no water anywhere? What could that husband of hers be thinking. Why would God tell him to do such a thing.

I am sure by now, after 50 years, her “honey do list” was getting pretty long.

Mrs Noah: Dear, How many times in the last 50 years have I asked you to fix the leak in the shower? Or get that stack of wood off my flowers? or take out the trash? And then there is this old looking living room, why can’t we get it painted? I wanted it done 25 years ago and all you do is work on that ugly thing in the yard. What do we need it for anyway? 50 years you have been at it and I have not seen one drop of rain yet!

Noah: That is because the ark is not done, we do not want it to rain yet. And, why paint the living room? It will all be destroyed anyway. Now darling, stop nagging! God gave me this job and I intend to finish it. He is going to destroy the whole world and we are the only ones going to be saved. It is up to us to follow His orders so that we and the animals can all be saved.

Mrs. Noah: Yeah, about those animals! Do I really need to be locked up for only God knows how long with all those animals? Monkeys swinging all over and kangaroos bouncing around? And how can anything be out of those giraffe’s reach?
Noah: Dear, God has it worked out. We need to obey Him.
Mrs Noah: I have had it with all this, there is no way you are going to get those animals in, you are not hearing God, He would not tell you to do something so illogical!
And on and on she goes as poor Noah tries to follow God. 50 more years he has to listen to this stuff.
Finally, God tells him to get his family and the animals into the ark. God sends the animals and Noah gets them in, two by two of some and more of the clean animals and birds. They are marching in and out pops Mrs. Noah again.
Mrs. Noah: Lions and Tigers and Bears, OH MY!
Noah: Yes, now get things together we are boarding next.
Mrs. Noah: I am not getting on there with those things, no, no, no!
If this happened today, would Noah be getting his family in the ark. If you were Noah’s wife what would you do?
Noah’s wife obeyed God. We find no where that says he had to fight his wife about doing God’s will. I believe she was a submissive, Godly woman. She may have given her opinon, but Noah had the final say.
If your husband wants to follow God in an area you either think is crazy, or not what you want to do at all, are you willing to be the type of wife God expects?
Search your heart and pray you can be what God wants.

What if you were Mrs. Noah? (part 1)

Do you like to read and put yourself into the story? I usually do not, but this week I got to thinking about Noah. I began to wonder what happened in their family when Noah felt that God wanted him to build an ark. I thought about his wife.
For some background, read Genesis 6-8 when you have a chance. I will give some background here.
  • Noah was 500 years old when God asked him to build the ark
  • Noah had 3 boys and a wife
  • God gave the directions and specifications for all details of the ark, size, rooms, kinds of wood etc.
  • Noah’s neighbors were not the greatest people. God said that all mankind was evil, only Noah had faith in God and trusted Him.
  • Noah would need to have enough food for all the animals, places for them. God was going to send 2 or every kind of animal to Noah, and more of the clean animals and birds. He needed food for all of them and for the people.
  • The ark would contain only Noah’s family for people, Noah, his sons, their wives and Noah’s wife.
  • All other animals, birds, fish and people would die when it rained.
  • Noah did not know how long it would rain
  • Noah had never seen rain, but had to take God’s word for it that rain was coming.
  • God told Noah when to get into the ark; God sent the animals and closed the door of the ark
  • It rained for 40 days and 40 nights
  • The rain came, all the earth was in turmoil. It was a violent time with water coming down and shooting up.
  • They were in the ark about a year.

I may add more to that list, but that is a bit condensed.

Now, put yourself in Noah’s family. I want you to think. What about Noah’s wife? Noah just came home and told her that the Lord told him to build this ark. He knows God said it, he is in turmoil over the whole thing.

I think if it were today the conversation might go something like this:

Noah: Honey, you will not believe what God told me today. He told me to build an ark and…

Mrs. Noah: What is an ark, Noah?

Noah: I am not sure, but it is huge and it will float, it is going to rain.

Mrs. Noah: What is rain, Noah?

Noah: Water from the sky dear. It will pour down just like you dumped that bucket from the well over your head, but more of it and everywhere. And water will even come up out of the ground. There will be so much water the whole world will be covered.

Mrs. Noah: I can’t believe that.

Noah: I need to get a lot of wood and other things.

Mrs Noah: And where do you think we are going to get the money for that wood?

Noah: God will provide. Plus we have a lot of it growing out there.

Mrs. Noah: OH NO! If you cut down those trees the neighbors will see in our yard and there goes our privacy.

Noah: Honey, God said to do this!

Mrs. Noah: BUT, what about the neighbors? What will they think? Can you build it way back in the field?

Noah: rolls eyes

Noah now goes and begins getting the wood together. This is a big chore and takes a long time to even get enough to get started building. He brings it in and sets it in the yard. He collects other needed items as well, setting them down in stacks.

Out walks Mrs. Noah.

Mrs. Noah: Hey, I said not there! You are getting into my flower bed! Noah, this compulsion of yours is getting out of hand. Are you sure God told you to do this? Why would He tell you to make something like this? It has never done this thing called rain before, and how do you think you are going to get this all made. Remember, you are 500 years old, time for retirement. Sit back and relax dear! You are too old to build this huge thing.

Noah sighs, listens to his wife and keeps working. By now he is wondering if God did say it. It is not logical. It will take him forever to get this made. However, he keeps on working.

Out pops Mrs. Noah again. “Dear, do you think you have that board on their straight?” “You know, Naomi called and said that the town is making fun of us, they think you have lost your marbles doing this, they are preparing to get the code enforcer over here to check this thing out. She said that old Sarah and her husband are getting a petition signed to make us cover up the front by the road because it is an eyesore. Noah, why do you have to make this thing? Why can’t you just make something small and easily hidden? Are you really, really, really sure this is what God said?”

Noah: Yes dear, I am doing it by what God said. It has to be this big because we are going to have to live in it with two of every kind of animal that roams the earth as well as the birds and all. It will need to hold enough food and water for all of them and for us as well for a long, long time.

Mrs Noah: WHAT?? We are going to live in this with animals? You know I hate animals!

Noah: I am not fond of living with them either, but God says…

Mrs. Noah: I think you are crazy. How can we live with all those animals? How can we keep the lions from eating the others, or the dinosaurs from stepping on us or the mice.. well, I guess I do not care about the mice… eek. Noah! What about all the poop for all that time? Where are we going to put that? And how can we live with the noise and the smell? The possums roam at night, the owls hoot at night and the coyotes howl at night. They will keep us all up. Did you ever think of that Noah? Huh???

Mrs. Noah walks off mumbling and Noah feels discouraged because he does not have the support of his wife.

Come back tomorrow for part 2. For tonight, think about what if you were Noah’s wife? read Genesis if you have time.

That Dirty Four Letter Word


OBEY!

Yup, it was in my vows. It is in the Bible.

“Wives, be subject to your husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church,because we are members of His body.For this reason a man should leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.” Ephesians 5:22-6:9

Too many today, to either avoid breaking the vow or out of following the worldly advice, do not have “obey” in their vows. It is not a word we like. Submit, obey, gives us a bad feeling. Most of us are independent, have a brain and think it means we can’t use it.

Not So! We are to obey and submit, but he is to love. Someone who is loving and you know has your best interest at heart is much easier to submit to.

Look at the verses. We are to obey our husbands as we do the Lord. He is to love us like the Lord loves. WOW! We both have tough jobs that really can’t be done on our own. He must depend on God to love us that way and we must depend on God to obey.

It is only through drawing near to God and work on loving our husbands that we can be submissive. I have a loving husband and most of the time do not have a huge problem submitting. We talk things over and I give my thoughts, or Scripture or desires and he gives his. Most of the time we come to agreement, and very often it is he seeing I was right. He is not a “pansy”. If we have a real disagreement I submit to him.

It is our husbands who will face the Lord someday for how they treat us, but we will face Him for our submission. God will also bless us for submitting. However, watch your attitude!! If you are like me there are times that I give in with a grumbling heart. This is not submission! Submission is to humbly and lovingly let him make the decision because it is not only in submission to him, but in submission to God.

Like the cartoon above, I have seen marriages where the man thinks he is the boss. His wife is the peon slave. Not so ! When God said that he will make a “helpmeet for Adam” He meant a helper fit for Adam. Someone to walk by him and help him. A tyrant boss is hard to help. If you are in a marriage like that, pray for your husband. Do not pray with the attitude that he needs to change for you, but, rather, that he should change to please to Lord. Ask God to show you how to be the wife he needs to reach him. This will take changing on your part too.