Seven years ago yesterday my husband and I were married. This was a hard decision for me, as well as for him I am sure.
For me it meant moving a long long way from my family. Being raised in the eastern US and him living in Texas I knew it was going to be change. (NEVER did I realize how much change!) I was a widow who had a good marriage for almost 30 years and was afraid of marrying someone who was not going to work to make a good marriage. I also did not want to move from my family. However, the last year of my first husband’s life he was telling me how he was praying for God to bring the right man into my life when he was gone and that I needed to be prepared to move away from the kids. I did tell him never would I do that (And my preaching was always, never say never!)
Rick came into my life a little less than 5 years after Willie’s death and, frankly, I tried to get rid of him. I was staying on the east coast, I was not moving that far away so there was no reason to get to know him! He asked if we could not just be friends and chat. He wanted to learn more about having a good marriage and since we seemed to have so much in common maybe we could just be friends.
His situation was failed marriages, now living for the Lord and wanting to have a wife that was a Godly woman. He had been alone for some time and working on his Spiritual life.
Needless to say, God worked and here I am in Texas! What a change, and not all good. I am used to nice Green trees, grass, rain, mountains and rivers. Lakes that are not man made but beautiful, God made, with gorgeous settings.
Not Texas! Rocks, scattered trees and lots of prickly pear cactus. Hot. Dry. A “river” is a gully with a trickle in it and a “tank” is a small pond. There are critters I never heard of yet they are beautiful, poisonous and can make you pretty sick.
I can add the fox and bob cat and wild pigs and all but then again, my mom lives in a built up area of NJ and has her share of bears so I guess these other animals do not count.
Seven years yesterday. Already.
When we married I prayed for my husband. You see, I was a pastor’s wife and his life was so different from mine. Now he was changing and growing but the church he was going to, and actually was his job as building administrator, was far from the truth of the Bible. Yes, he was a born again Christian, but the more I attended that church the more the fallacies of what was being preached became obvious. I began to point them out to my husband and show him the truth in Scripture. His first reaction was anger at me. He had been brought to the Lord through this teaching and now was fully believing all that was being told. When I showed him how things were being taken out of context and you can’t properly interpret the Bible that way he balked at all of it.
I shut up and began to pray. My prayer was, and still is, from Colossians:
9 For this reason also, since the day we heard of it, we have not ceased to pray for you and to ask that you may be filled with the knowledge of His will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding,10 so that you will walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, to please Him in all respects,bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God;11strengthened with all power, according to His glorious might, for the attaining of all steadfastness and patience; joyously 12 giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified us to share in the inheritance of the saints in Light.
Rick did begin to see the truth. Not because I pushed, but because I prayed. Rick is a studier and began to study when something the pastor said did not set right. He then studied out things I had said and asked questions. He listened to speakers on the computer.
One day, on his day off, he wanted to take a ride. We drove for some time and I asked where we were going. We went to a small town called Clifton, TX. When I asked why he told me he wanted to find out where a small church was as he had heard the preacher online. Some time later, he told me we were going to a Monday night service they were having there as he wanted to hear this man. He had been writing to him by email and was interested.
Monday came and on the way there I finally said “Who are we going to go listen to”. I am glad I was sitting down when he told me as the very man we were going to hear teach was the man I had as a faculty adviser when I went to an East coast Bible College years before!
Seven years and this husband of mine has changed so much. He quit his job at the church and stepped out in faith by taking a job for much less pay than he was making (and we were hardly making it financially before!) so that he could get out of the un-Biblical teaching.
I have learned prayer works way better than nagging, complaining and pushing. Colossians has the plan and the pattern for praying for others and especially our spouses.
No, Rick is not perfect but neither am I. Maybe another few years and more of the verse will be answered as well.
Yesterday, while we were out, Rick prayed a number of times. Each time he thanked God for bringing us together 7 years ago. I guess he is happy with me
Now, where in the Bible is a prayer that will get him to move closer to MY family?
Do you get impatient? Want things done when you want them? Wonder why he can’t get at it and do it?
You are not alone.
I sit here in a house that needs work. Some of it we have no money to fix as it requires more than what we have. However, some we have the items needed to fix the problem, in fact a few jobs the stuff has been here for a few years, but the job is still not done. I can’t do it, at least not alone. He does not have it on a priority list. Other jobs he has to do, some are urgent, some just to make it look better or be safer, but they do not get done.
Right now we need to make some decisions on heating. Our furnace was struck by lightening and the circuit board was blown out. Our central air goes through the furnace and they were able to direct wire the air for the last bit of the summer, but we have no heat. It is now November 10, and no heat. New furnace? Much money on a 30 something year old furnace? Something else for heat? Decisions needed!
I live in Texas, so heat is not really needed ,for the most part , yet. However, when it hits here it hits, sometimes only a day or two in the beginning, sometimes full force. We KNOW it is coming. Finances are a big problem but still, some decision needs to be made before we freeze.
Hubby is not worrying about it!
Now, us women tend to want and need certain things. We are in the home, we tend the home as best we can and hate having floors undone and tripping over linoleum torn or looking at floors with nothing but the bare under-flooring.
Many other things are put off and put off as men do not think of it nor have it as priorities. I get frustrated.
I used to be a nag, used to push for things to get done and get them done now. Not any more. A few things hit me at the time of my late husband’s heart attack back in 1995. While there I knew that his heart attack was not my fault, there was no nagging etc going on then, it just happened. However, those three weeks of watching him hang between life and death made me think. Nothing in the world was worth nagging , complaining about or pushing to get done that would make it worth sending him back into the hospital or worse. Those three weeks changed me greatly. If it was not worth it, I did not push or get after him. If it was a matter of his health, I did, but to get things done or just bacause I did not like his timing or what he was doing or the way, it was not worth it.
Now, I am not a nag, not confrontational, not pushy.
I am praying and asking God to work on him. When I get opportunities to say something constructive, I do. Yes, it gets frustrating at times, but I have to keep praying.
We need heat. Certain things need to get done. Other things are my own frustration. His clutter setting in the living room, dead computers here and there and piles of books all over upset me, but are not things that need to get cared for but rather a frustration.
As I look at the situation here and with others I know us women need to pray for our husbands way more than we do and way way more than we nag or push. Nagging and pushing may get things done in some hubby, but others will build up resentment and a feeling that no matter what they can’t please us.
Men’s brains are different than ours.
I am praying more for my husband to see that there are NEEDS…. like the heat and other things… that have to get done and some very soon. Decisions need to get made and arrangements made. He is well aware that the heat has to be cared for very soon, but making a decision as to what is taking the time.
While I used the heat as an example, I am well aware of all that is involved in making this decision and how much has to be considered. I am sure he is thinking about it, but I hate to have it put off so long that we do something out of desperation instead of thought. Wait to make it and then we could make the wrong one. I am trusting God to make things clear to my dear husband and make the decision easier for him.
Pray for your husband. Things are not easy being a man either. WE women are not to control them, rule them, be the head, even when they are slow about it. God holds them responsible as head and us responsible as a submissive wife who prays for her husband. I think we have the harder job in some way, but when I look at their responsibility before God I am not sure I would want that either.
I have now rambled, at 4 AM, not even finishing my first cup of coffee!
Hope you have a good day and Pray for that man of yours and the decisions he needs to make today. Pray for a clarity in him of how God wants him to lead the family. Pray for things he has been putting off that are needs. Pray also, for the frustrations you face and see if there is a solution to the nagging and a way to constructively ask or suggest.
Ready! Set! ON YOUR KNEES for that man you married!
How do you handle uncertainty? Worry? Fall apart? Get grouchy? Clean? Eat? Shop?
With the world as it is and all the financial mess in the economy today it is hard not to feel all the stress and concern. As women we tend to let it get to us. Not that a man doesn’t, but we are more emotional as a whole and tend to react outward.
In my younger days I would react as above… well not the shopping, we never had the money, and the cleaning… well, with 5 kids at home that was just more stress. I mean, why clean and make it nice when they would just mess it up in no time flat? Stressed me out thinking of it! If I should do the cleaning I would get very grumpy and yell if they even tried to be kids and make a mess.
As I aged the stress took on different avenues with me. I lived with the uncertainty of when the illness my first husband had would finally take his like. For 4 years we knew he could go at any time, yet we had to live as normally as possible. I carried much of his load so he could keep going. I learned a lot those years. I became more patient, asking myself if an issue was worth blowing up over and having a heart attack. Most times it was not, so it was forgotten.
I think my biggest lesson for life came after his death. I was always a stay at home mom, worked on the side with selling ceramics, sewing, helping out with odd jobs etc. Brought in money to help with Christmas etc, but otherwise I stayed home and worked on ways to save money by doing things myself, cooking from scratch and raising the family.
My husband was a pastor, so my life was around helping with church and the family, not outside work. Our home was a parsonage, belonged to the church and came with the job. No pastor, no job, no money, no home, no life insurance because of a problem that is a long story etc.
I had no choice but to depend on God. I learned my dependency had to be on HIM.
Now, almost 10 years after my first husband’s death I am having to fall back on those lessons. My husband went to work this morning as usual. It is Thursday. Thursday has been D-day at the plant where he works. If you get called in to the supervisor around noon, you know your job is done. It has been layoff day for a number of weeks, they know another one is today. With so few left at the plant, you know that by numbers the chances are not good.
I am sitting here at 5:45 AM, wondering. I am reminding myself that my dependency is on HIM, not the plant. He knows that all our bills are needing to be paid. He knows that things were messed up in the past and the past needs to be paid as well. HE knows we left the job at the church Rick worked at because of apostasy in the church that we could not be a part of and that this job at the plant was much less money than he was getting at the church, so we have been struggling. HE KNOWS!
Even though I want to fall apart with worry, I keep reminding myself that HE KNOWS and sing Rich Mullins song “Hold ME Jesus” to myself a lot. I am shaking like a leaf, but I know HE KNOWS and my dependency is on HIM.
Ladies, I do not know how many of you have gone through this or are going through it, but we need to trust HIM. IF my husband comes home around noon, I need to be a strength to him, not a falling apart wife. He will be saying “It will be all right” but inside I know he will be feeling the uncertainty of the future also.
Pray for our husbands, even now, that what this day brings they will be able to depend on HIM. As we pray for them, we will be strengthened as well.
I like the Back Pew as I am sure you have figured out as I use him in both my blogs on and off. While I know this wording may offend someone, I am sorry. It is truth though, our world is quickly heading for hell, but prayer will change it.
Remember when churches held prayer meetings and people actually prayed? It was called the “Hour of Power” . Remember when people believed that prayer changed things?
How much does your church pray as a body? How much does your family pray? How much do you pray?
As women we can change things by praying. If your church does not hold prayer meetings, why not start one? Prayer changes families, churches and nations.
Our world is going downhill fast, we can make a difference. Instead of being caught up in the worlds cycle of trying to deal with things ourselves why not get caught up in God’s cycle and pray and let God change it? We women can nag, gossip, grumble and get downright ugly. None of which works the works of God. Prayer does.
All that is going on in the world, in our country, in our homes and the stresses we face each day, are more than I can handle on my own. I get scared, troubled, worried and wish I could get off the world. All this has sent me to my knees more. Problems with kids? Husband? Church? Get on your knees!
This weekend has been stressful, bad things happening, work hours less, news on the TV and radio and decisions our government leaders are making that are so contrary to the Word have made me shaking in my boots. God brought a song to me while I was praying:
There is power and strength and peace on our knees.
Life has been strange lately. I have not been posting on either blog much, not getting done what I want to around the house and not getting much sleep.
Life. I have a wonderful husband and dear family, none of that has changed. In fact, not sure how I would get along without them!
However, over the last while a lot of stress has been on us. How does your family handle stress? We pray and talk.
For some time now we have been deeply concerned about where our church was going. The preaching has not been Biblical, yet there has been a small amount of truth in there and then nothing. The truth is usually watered down and nothing deep to put your mouth into for Spiritual food. For some this would mean changing churches. For us, my husband is also employed there and we are not able to get a job that even pays as good as this in this area. For a long time we have been praying and talking about it, and we have seen the preaching going more and more away from what the Scripture says. Verses taken out of context, no following the rules of interpretation and apostasy being taught as right. On top of all that, he was told he is overpaid and will get no raises a year ago, and yet they pile more work on him. Many weeks I need to go in on Saturdays and help him get it all done for Sunday, no pay of course.
We have also had things going crazy around the house. Things breaking, acting up or otherwise a problem. Goats needing new fencing. A granddaughter coming for the summer (YAY) but that meant taking things out of the storage room so she had a bed room (well worth the effort, she is a joy to have here!)
It has been hot here in Texas, we have had weeks of 100 or more degrees. I never knew that heat could: make the breakers on the electric pole pop off or make large patio doors explode. Believe me, it will!!
I was in the dining room with the little granddaughter and there was a “gun shot” sound and the glass door came down. Glass was everywhere! I will try to put up the pictures.
Well, we prayed more! We now had a 6.5 X6.5 hole in the side of the house!
Husband quit his job yesterday and will be going to work for less pay somewhere else. He will need to hold down a second part time job, but we will get there.
We are trying to keep the box on the pole open so it will not overheat and blow as much.
The goats have some of their fencing done, but not as much as he wanted to have done now.
The milking stand is almost made. (told you I have a great husband!)
My 12 year old granddaughter is here and we are so enjoying her!
We have a new door, window and side to the house and when it is finished I will even (finally) have a screen door!
When life comes at you fast, remember, Pray! God has the answers.