Our vows say “for better or worse”. DO you sometimes feel the worse out weighs the better? It may not even be a problem between you and your spouse to begin with, but rather life. Life happens. Plans get all bummed up. The past may come in to haunt us, an accident may happen, sickness, things just unseen ahead of time.
My first husband and I had a good relationship. Great in fact! Yet when we married he was in school and it was rough. I planned on working him through college and seminary before we began our family. HAHA Our first was due on our first anniversary. We had decided I would be a stay at home mom when the children arrived, and now we were being tested. He made $30 a week at a part time job while going to college. I had been supporting us. Ut oh, some “worse” was happening! We kept with our decision and trusted the Lord. He supplied in ways I never thought possible.
By the time seminary was over we had 4 children, no money but God had cared for us. We did not live on welfare, yet had our needs supplied. However, we had also gone through sickness where he lost a year of seminary, layoff at his job and had no income till he found another and numerous other “worse”.
I could go on as to the “worse” we had to deal with over the years until his death, but it was a lot of sticking to the vows and not to feelings.
I am now remarried and there are different kinds of things to deal with. To me living in Texas is a “worse”. I am away from family, it is not very pretty, there are rattlesnakes and all kinds of things that bite or stick you. (On the other hand no snow to deal with!). I have a husband that had been married before and divorced. He has his past and it is now part of me to deal with. Some of the worse most would think. I have to deal with an ex on a weekly basis. Our plans get interrupted because of his past family. (Lest you think he has young children, he does not, they are all married and have families). We still have to deal with it as well as other things. He came with baggage, I come with baggage and this is part of the worse.
Finances, living conditions, anger, loss of job, loss of a child, many things come under the worse banner. I also find the “worse” is different for different people. You may love Texas with it’s rattlesnakes and heat, for you that may be a better, for me it is a worse.
One thing I want to say, and I know many may not agree, part of the worse that you are vowing to should not be abuse. Today there is so much abuse. Maybe it has not changed, we are just more open to talk about it, but I believe it is more. Drugs, drinking, selfcenteredness and sin in general has made abuse so common. Having your life in danger by a spouse is not part of the vow. I believe it calls for a separation and counseling if the spouse is willing to go, or you go alone if not. If your life is in danger, get out. If your kids are being abused, get out.
Better or Worse. We all want the better and dream of the better, but every life has it’s worse times too. Plan on it coming.
One thing to those who are not married yet. I watch some of the court shows on TV. I have them going while I am doing things. Not sure why I do, maybe because I find it so hard to believe that there are people out there like the ones on these shows, yet they are real people. In my mind crazy much of the time, but real. There are a couple of these judges that really impress me. One professes his Christianity without shame. I enjoy him, as he can be really harsh, but usually tries to be fair. Another one is divorce court. I do not sit in front of this taking in everything, however, that judge is so concerned about these people and seems so wise.
She made a statement to a couple that only dated about a week before marrying. Her warning and advice was to all those thinking of marriage. She said : Make a list of your prospective spouse and write down 10 things you do not like about that person.
I thought that she was being strange at first, but then listened. She said if you do not know 10 thinks that are negatives you do not know them well enough to marry. Everyone has 10 negatives… at least.
Then look at your list. Can you live with those negatives? Be they personal, his/her family, his/her habits etc. Can you live with them if they NEVER improve?
For better or worse. Believe me, the worse will come. Stick with your vows and turn the worse into something to bring you closer to each other.